


I have always loved you

by ForMyNihilist



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Flashbacks from trainee era, Jealous Jiwon, Jiwon Is Whipped, M/M, Smut, Switch BobBin, mature content, two idiots in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:21:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23000611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForMyNihilist/pseuds/ForMyNihilist
Summary: Hanbin has always fixed his priorities : Music, iKON, iKON, and then iKON. As hardworking as ever, he rarely let himself waver, his goals clearly set in his mind.As he was leading his ambitious leader life, Hanbin found himself resetting his priorities : Jiwon, Jiwon, Jiwon.
Relationships: Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 63
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just going to write all my doubleB feels here instead of having them all bottled up. Hope you guys understand... and maybe enjoy? Please don't judge.
> 
> I'm not a writer, this is just for fun.
> 
> I just wish these two precious human beings all the happiness in the world <3

Bobby knows he is in deep shit if he does not get enough sleep for the night, they have an important schedule tomorrow, mistakes were not allowed. He promised Hanbin he would do his best for the performance.  
He keeps rolling from side to side in his bed, feeling an uncomfortable wave of heat surrounding his body, he palms his now visibly growing erection through his sweats; he is horny. He curses deep inside for the inconvenient timing of his body’s trolling.

Bobby knows exactly what's causing his discomfort, he shifts to the side of his bed that has Hanbin's right next to his and stares at the sleeping boy in silence. Fully aware of the younger's tiny but steady breathing. He looks at Hanbin who wears a calm expression on his face, his brows slightly frowned, lips closed to a cute pout, totally oblivious to Bobby's stares, deep in his sleep.

Bobby shuts his eyes, turned around, and tried to ignore the bulge growing in his pants, few minutes later, he glances at his phone to see the time, it’s 2 am. He growled as he had his feet on the floor standing up heading to the common bathroom of the dorms.

The water run cold on his shoulders, his eyes shut, few tears slip down his cheeks along with the flowing water. Jiwon hates himself; he hates the way his feelings took the best of him. Well he has been in love with Hanbin for some time now. In fact, the older rapper has been having the strongest crush on him for over three years now. Being in denial for just as long, jiwon struggled all this time to come to his senses, he tried so hard to give meaning to his not-so-very platonic feelings he's been nurturing over the years; he finally acknowledged the tingling feelings inside his chest, each time he sees the younger boy smiling, as love.

Bobby remembers the first time he felt his heart aching when he had to leave for his break to his parents’ house for a whole month, which meant, a whole month without Hanbin. He recalls how he missed him so much even though they were keeping in touch through kakaotalk and messaging each other daily.

At first, he blamed it on Hanbin’s clinginess; he thought it was just because the younger boy was used to be glued to him all the time that missing him was only normal. Until one late night, Hanbin had sent him a mirror selfie of him leaving the gym, shirtless, telling him how he had been working out on his free time. Bobby could not explain the reason why he stared for almost 2 hours at the said picture, studying every detail of Hanbin’s body, zooming on his tattoos, and his now visible abs. He could feel himself turned on by just that picture, and it was at that moment when he realized he was not missing Hanbin as just his friend or little brother.

As the cold running water and his stinging tears have already calmed him down. Jiwon turned off the shower, got into his night pajamas and crashed on the couch in the living room.

///////

After a day of promotions and a busy schedule, the members were finally getting two days off. They all headed to the dorms to get some sleep, except Hanbin who stayed at the studio instead. Bobby had told him he would go with Donghyuk to his family’s, and Hanbin had sensed that something was off with him the whole day, so he chose to text him to check on him

HB “Hey Kimbab, are you alright?”

Bobby spaced out as he read Hanbin’s text, he didn’t know why he was asking him if he was okay. He thought about what he should text back and simply sent his reply.

BB “Yup, everythin’s gud Bin, why?”

HB “Idk I just saw you were a bit out of it today, if you’re fine then never mind”

BB “Yes thks Hanbin, I’m gud, I’ll be at Dongi’s c u around”

Hanbin tossed his phone in his pocket as he settled on his chair and clicked on the last song he made in hope of polishing it some more.

///////

Bobby on the other hand was happy to see Donghyuk’s mom who hugged him tight as she welcomed him to the house, and had the table set for dinner. The older rapper felt himself starving and ate with so much appetite for the first time in weeks; Perhaps it was the family mood and warmth that made him realize how much he missed homemade meals.

Hanbin doesn't know for how much time he has been staring at the computer clicking absentmindly. He is worried about Jiwon and can’t get anything done. He got a hold of his phone and texted Donghyuk.

HB "Are you still together with Bobby hyung?"

DK " yup we just had dinner and we are chilling with obangii"

HB " I miss obangii so much I will drop by, make sure hyung will not leave"

DK "Ok..."

It didn't take hanbin much thoughts before he was grabbing his jacket, and heading out. He arrives at DK's place and it was Donghyuk's mom receiving him with a big smile and a warming hug.

"Hi Hanbinnie, how are you my son? Are you finally visiting me with jiwonnie; I missed you both so much how is your mom and dad?"

As Hanbin answered Mrs Kim questions, he had his eyes focused on the living room where Bobby was sitting with obangii sleeping on his lap. He entered the room, and greeted the two boys an awkward hi, Donghyuk smiling at him, and obangii started moving already at his sight. He took him in his hold and the dog immediately relaxed with the familiar touch.

While Hanbin played with obangii smiling, laughing, and cuddling. He managed to steal a few glances at jiwon to find him already staring at him, he made an awkward half smile. Bobby's expression was still unreadable. A long silence filled the room and Donghyuk had sensed the awkward mood between the two and suggested watching a movie together. The three of them settled on the couch, with Hanbin in the middle. Among different suggestions, Hanbin ended up choosing the film, they were watching "Her" .

  
When the movie started, they all watched it intently, Hanbin was so caught up in the lines and the story, that he did not realize how he was leaning on bobby’s side, his head almost buried in the older boy’s shoulder. Bobby started leaning on his head too and they remained like that for the entire movie.

It wasn't until the closing credits started showing, that Hanbin looked up at bobby’s face to find it so close to his, he stared at him for a second, and gently pushed the elder’s head as a sign he was standing up. Jiwon immediately shifted his position and took over the empty spot Hanbin left, spreading his legs and started scrolling on his phone.

HB: “Well I’m heading back, thanks Donghyuk, I got to see obangii, I’ll see you around tomorrow” he turned his eyes to bobby’s direction “hyung, are you staying?”

BB: “Yeah I’m tired, I’ll just crash here”

DK:” You can stay too hyung, don’t overwork yourself, this is supposed to be our time off, you should be resting” Hanbin couldn’t help but smile at Donghyuk’s thoughtfulness.

HB:” I’ll just finish a song I started, I kinda have some inspiration now”

On his way back to the dorms, Hanbin was lost in the track of his thoughts, his brain kept replaying scenes from the movie they watched, one specific line caught up his attention. Before reaching the entrance, he picked his phone and started texting Jiwon.

HB: “Hyung, do you remember what Samantha said to Theodore?”

Bobby was already laying on the spare bed in Donghyuk’s room, still scrolling down on his social media apps, while listening to music when he received Hanbin’s text. He replied instantly.

BB: “wut are u talkin ‘bout?”

HB: “Samantha... from the movie we watched earlier, did you remember what she said about making a song, a song that could captures all the memories she shared with Theodore” Hanbin put his phone in his pocket and lit up a cigarette, exhaling the smoke slowly, thinking about some lyrics on his mind.

BB: “Yea, I remember, what bout it? It’s cool tho, a song like that wud be so nice” Hanbin smiled at the text.

HB: ”Right hyung, I knew you’d like it too, I want us to write such a song too”

Bobby stared at the text he has just received, his heart twisting in pain, he knew that Hanbin implied writing a song about iKON memories together, but a part of him wished it was more into that, something about just him and Hanbin, the only “us” he wanted. He typed a short reply to him, threw his phone on the nightstand and pulled covers on his face, mouthing a barely audible goodnight to Donghyuk.

BB: ”Yea it wud be nice, gn8”

Hanbin wasn’t surprised at the short and cold reply, but he couldn’t help feeling hurt, he threw the unfinished cigarette, crashing it under his foot heading straight to the studio.

///////

It was already 10 a.m. when Hanbin growled, shifting in his bed, frowning at the annoying sound of kakaotalk messages that keep coming, he held the phone with half-opened eyes, slowly. He doubted it would be the group chat, who else would send him that crazy number of messages? It was Yunhyeong suggesting to have breakfast at his friend’s cafe, and invited everyone. Hanbin, still sleepy, typed a hurried reply.

HB: “Guys, just go without me, I’m sleeping in today, gotta go work on a song with jaewon hyung, have a good day y’all”. He put the group chat on silent and buried his face in his pillow attempting to go back to sleep.

Bobby and Dong were up already having breakfast with Mrs Kim, Jiwon stared at Hanbin’s reply for some time before tossing his phone in his jacket. He knew that Hanbin working alone with Jaewon bothers him for a reason, but he still doesn’t like to linger over the feeling. He thanked Dong and his mom for the food and for the well-spent night and headed back to the dorms.

///////

On his way back, Jiwon found himself going through his gallery, staring at his pictures, some of them that he shares with Hanbin. Without realizing, he was sheepishly smiling, and caressing the younger's face through the phone screen. In fact, He often does that, every once in a while he’d go on his Instagram and look up the doubleB hashtags, and stares at all the pictures posted by fans.

Many of them are shared with some cringey captions that Jiwon can’t help but laugh at. Some posts were about how Hanbin is deeply in love with Bobby, the cameras capturing them looking at each other fondly, and Hanbin always initiating physical contact because of the clingy human being he is.

Jiwon laughs at the irony, _I’m the one in love with him, and that bastard doesn’t even know_ , he said to himself in a pained smile.

As he arrived at the dorms, and opened the door, he knew no one was home. The apartment was dead silence, and there is no way it would be that quiet with a Koo Junhoe around. Entering their shared room, jiwon didn't find hanbin to be there either. _He must be with Jaewon this early then_.

Jiwon laid on Hanbin's bed for while, staring at the roof, his brain seemed to only focus on that thought. He hated it; Jiwon didn't realize before why he disliked Jaewon this much, until his name was all hanbin was talking about during their shared meals. He was having a hard time admitting his jealousy, seeing how the two were very close, how they seemed to share something special, provoked something deep inside him to hurt. 

Leaning on the younger's bed, Jiwon was lost in his thoughts, the sweet familiar scent of hanbin's bed sheets filling his nostrils. He found it to be strangely comforting as he spread his arms hugging Hanbin's pillow, taking in the pleasant scent, a tiny voice in his head telling him he looks like a dirty pervert stalker.

Jiwon soon started to feel warmth spreading through his body, images of a cute sleepy Hanbin popped up his mind, his face, lips, and all the details of his body. _Fuck_. He cursed. He was getting a hard on. _I am a pervert indeed_.

Hanbin was just coming back from the roof, after having his morning cigarette; he entered the apartment, not making so much noise. walking to his room, he stood frozen at the door. Taking a step back, with a hand covering his gasp, hanbin could not believe what his eyes just saw. He stepped forward again and took another look just to make sure: _yes that's Bobby hyung jacking off while sniffing my sheets_ , _on my bed. O.M.G_

Still not believing his eyes, hanbin kept creepily staring at Jiwon who seemed to be oblivious to the prying eyes watching him, he was pleasuring himself, eyes shut, hands sliding up and down roughly on his dick. 

Few intelligible words were slipping the older's mouth, as he was finally hitting his orgasm, Hanbin could hear his name and he was shocked .. _Hanbin, baby..nnnnuugh ..please_ , bobby words were muffled by a loud growl when he came shaking from the force of his orgasm .

Taking careful steps back to the entrance. Hanbin opened the door silently and run up to the roof, he was still shaking his head not believing his eyes... _OMG. Jiwon hyung, why was he saying my name.. Why my bed.. What the hell is happening_.. He soon started panicking, lighting up another cigarette, his hand were pulling hard at his hair, he still can’t make sense to what he just witnessed.

 _So this means Jiwon hyung l..likes me? why else would he jerk off and say my name? No there is no fucking way, no this doesn’t make any sense._ He kept going on with his monologue, still in denial, exhaling the smoke, one wild thought stroke him as he realized, _I have to make sure, I shouldn’t just assume from what I saw, should I confront him and tell him I saw him? No I should maybe just let it go and see what happens next_.

  
He finished his cigarette, and went down to the apartment. Making sure to make noise this time, he opened the door and slammed it loudly. Changing into his slippers and walking towards the kitchen, Hanbin silently prayed Jiwon would already be finished with what he was doing. He cleared his throat and entered the room; Bobby was there, changing his shirt.

BB ”You’re back now?”

HB ”I was just in the roof, for a smoke, ya know Jinhawn hyung hates it when the dorm smells of my cigarettes,” He said nervously trying to keep a straight face.

Jiwon panicked, he avoided looking at Hanbin’s eyes. “Oh, I see”. Hanbin glanced down at the discarded boxers and shirt, still covered with Jiwon’s cum. His cheeks turned bright red. Jiwon bent down quickly picking up the dirty laundry, clearing his throat and heading toward the bathroom.

Hanbin sit on his bed, trying so hard not to recall those images of bobby, still fighting the hotness that was creeping in from his ears. He held his phone to text Jaewon.

HB : “Hyung, I need to talk to you are you in the studio?” Hanbin didn’t wait for Jaewon to reply and stood up, grabbed his jacket, going out to find him in the studio.

Jw “Hey what’s up man, I was just going to reply to your text”

HB “Uugh, I don’t know hyung, I’m so tired”

Jw “You don’t seem well, something’s up?”

HB “Can you feel it in the air or what? You know me so well hyung”

Jw “Spill the tea kid”

HB “Okay I already feel bad for telling you, you should promise me you’re taking this to the grave with you, okay?”

Jw “Oh my god Kim Hanbin talk!”

HB “Promise me hyung!”

Jw “Okay okay I promise, just spill the tea man”

HB “Well this may seem a little bit shocking to you, it was for me, but I’m not in any case lying or imagining stuff, I..I..saw Babhyung doing some stuff”

JW “Stuff? What stuff?”

HB “Euh…he..he, uh well there was nobody around the house, I was on the roof for a smoke, and when I went down I entered our room and I found him like… touching himself”

JW “Wow Hanbin, this is big news, are you fucking kidding me, never seen a young healthy man jacking off?”

HB “Euh wait for me to finish, will you? “

Jw “Okay okay sorry”

HB “The thing is.. He was on my bed, not his, and he was sniffing and hugging my pillow and sheets”

Jw “HUH?”

HB “I heard him saying my name hyung… he said it when he was touching himself”

Jw “You’re joking right?”

HB “NO IM NOT, I told you I’m not having fun making up stories, it really happened, and I’m only telling you since it got me so confused and I want to understand why, why he did that …”

Jw “Are you sure he said your name, and not some girl’s name similar to yours?”

HB “Do you know any girl named Hanbin?”

Jw “Idiot, I’m just saying you may have heard it wrong?!”

HB “No I definitely heard it right, I had my whole body hair standing as I heard it, I got shivers down my spine, it was my name hyung”

Jw “Well what can I say, I’ve always knew it somehow, hahaha”

HB “You’ve always knew what hyung, it’s not funny”

Jw “I’ve always knew he liked you, like man it just shows in the way he looks at you, but you know, he never made it clear he took interest in men, so I thought maybe he just adores you as his little bro, turns out those looks weren’t very brotherly-like hahahahahaha”

HB “Hyung, stop making fun, do you realize what this means to me, I also think so too, but what can I do? you know I’ve liked him for a long time now, and I just can’t believe such day and such a thing happened, HELP ME”

Jw “Yah calm down will ya? I think it’s great, now you can jump in each other’s arms and annoy everyone with your over skinship. At least it would make sense now. “

Hanbin kicked jaewon in the leg, earning a yelp from him; he smiled sheepishly as he hid his face in his hands.

Jw “Oh what is it Hanbinnie, are you shy now? Ahaahahahah”

HB “SHUT UP Hyung, I still do not believe it, ugh I don’t know what to do? hyung, what should I do?”

Jw “You should just tell him you like him, now that you know he likes you too”

HB “What? I can’t do that for shit, I never told anyone I like them, I can’t”

Jw “So you’d rather just stay like this? Two idiots daydreaming about fucking each other?”

HB “Jaewon, you know what I feel for him is more than that”

Jw “I know idiot, I know I’ve seen you being miserable whenever you heard or saw him talking to girls, are you still going to waste time?”

HB “No, I don’t want to waste time, who knows how much we still have together, but I’m afraid, I don’t want to be the one saying it first, I’m showing it, isn’t that enough?”

Jw “No idiot, you’re not showing it enough if you treat all your friends the same, how is he supposed to know your feelings? You think your I love yous will reach him through your clingy hugs? You think that’s enough?”

HB “Look hyung, don’t try to convince me, I’m not gonna make an idiot out of myself, I’m not gonna tell him”

Jw “Okay, then make him do it instead, make him confess first”

HB “How? How on earth can I do that, when I’ve been waiting for three years now?”

Jw “Hummm what do you want me to tell you, act cute or something, for hell can I know?”

HB “Tssk you’re no help Jaewonnie, I don’t even know why I bothered coming here.”

Jw“How about you confirm his feelings first and have him confess to you?”

HB“You know that's all I want hyung, how do I even do that?”

Jw“You should maybe consider acting cute around him hahahhahahah" Jaewon broke into hilarious laugh… "Just seduce him or something” Hanbin kicked Jaewon in both legs before he got up, trying to keep a straight face and holding his laugh.

HB“I don’t even know why I take you seriously. I'm leaving”. Hanbin threw him a smile before reaching the door.

HB “Thank you hyung for hearing me out though. Just an hour ago, I thought I'd go crazy, I'm glad I talked it out with you”

Jw “Anytime loser, remember to buy some cute lingerie”. He winked at Hanbin and the latter couldn’t help feeling embarrassed, a faint pink blush already forming on his cheeks; Jaewon's adorable laugh was the only thing holding him from beating the shit out of his hyung. He raised his middle finger and mouthed a _fuck you_ at him before closing the door.

///////

It was late in the evening when the boys entered the dorms along with Jiwon. Hanbin was laying in his bed reading a comic book. Yunghyeong suggested they have some ramyun and watch Running Man before sleep. The boys gathered around to watch the show. Jiwon took a seat in between chanwoo and jnhwan, he looked tired. Hanbin glanced at his side for a moment, taking place next to Yunghyeong, leaning on his shoulder. Yunghyeong complained a little about Hanbin’s heavy head before giving up and letting the latter bury his head in the crook of his neck while holding his hand.

YH“Hey, I thought you only use me when bobby isn’t around, FYI he is just right over there”

HB“Hyung I’m tired, just let me stay like this” Hanbin hooked his armed and wrapped both of his arms around Yunhyeong's.

HB" I don’t feel like watching TV"

“Then why are you here?” Jinhwan asked.

HB“I don't wanna be alone in the room” Yunghyeong had his arm resting around him pulling him closer "Aigoo what a baby~"

Jiwon glanced at hanbin, eyes watching every movement of his hands. 

HB “Let me sleep on your lap hyung” Hanbin said with a cute whine. Jiwon cleared his throat loudly, almost choking on air, Hanbin stared at him for a second and looked back at Yunghyeong with puppy eyes

HB“Hm hyung? Can I ? I can right?“ He laid his head on Song's lap and settled in a sleeping position, gaining a long sigh from the older.

Soon Hanbin, as touchy as he is, started playing with his hands on Song's thighs, rubbing circles, touching it in slow caresses. Jiwon swallowed hard as his eyes follow Hanbin's hand, lost in his thoughts, he imagined how it would feel like to be in Yunhyeong's place. The latter couldn't tolerate the touchy Hanbin, has placed a firm hand to stop the tickling.

YH “You gotta stop doing this, you're distracting me.”

Hanbin let out a small whine as he moved his hands to Yunhyeong’s waist, hugging him tightly, he started faking yawns.

HB"I'm going to sleep, I'm tired"

YH“Then go to your room, why'd sleep here?”

HB”Um”

YH”Stop pretending to be asleep I’m not carrying you to your room!”

HB”Um”

YH”Are you sleeping?”

HB”Um”

YH”Aiishhh, this guy never listens.”

“It's okay hyung, I will carry him to his bed.” Jiwon said with a calm voice.

YH”Thank you, my back is really killing me from practice and I can’t carry him by myself. Can you hold him for a few minutes I have to pee?”Jiwon's eyes went blank for a moment as the realization hit him.

BB“Ah yeah sure.” He shifted from his place, took Hanbin's head, gently put it on his lap. His heart was beating fast. Yunghyeong dislodged Hanbin's arms from around his waist and put them around jiwon's.

YH”God he is so clingy!” He growled as he stood up to leave. Jiwon's heartbeat started to calm down as he was staring at the sleeping boy. He had always thought Hanbin was handsome, but he never really took time to contemplate his traits. His hand hesitated for a second before it started caressing the soft strands of his hair. He couldn't control himself from kicking Junhoe so hard for letting out a loud laugh.

JH”HYUUNG what’s that for? If Hanbin wants to sleep, he should be in his room. This is RM don't expect me to hold my laughter, beside I'm not the only one, Chanwoo laughed too.“

BB”Hanbinnie, let's get you to your bed” Bobby held Hanbin's face in his hands, gently squeezing his cheeks. Hanbin let a nearly audible whine.

Jiwon almost melted at his dongsaeng's adorable frown; he placed a finger on his eyebrows and smoothened his forehead with his thumb. “GOD YOU ARE SO CUTE” Jiwon screamed inside. It was Chanwoo’s turn to let out a loud laugh, earning yet another kick from Jiwon, the others followed, and he started to feel annoyed with it.

BB”Can’t you keep quiet guys? Can’t you see Hanbin’s tired and sleeping?”

They couldn’t see that, they were all too absorbed in the TV show and didn’t bother to glance at the sleeping boy.

“Just put him to bed hyung”, said Donghyuk with a calm tone.

Jiwon gulped before holding Hanbin’s head with his hands, and standing up to carry him to his bed in bridal style. He entered their shared room and settled Hanbin on his bed, leaning to adjust him on his pillow, the sleeping boy refused to move his hands from around Jiwon’s waist, pulling him into bed with him.

Jiwon’s breath was caught in his throat, his face turned a bright red; he started to panic and pushed Hanbin back to his place, dislodging his arms from him. Holding his hands between his, Jiwon could feel Hanbin’s warmth, he fought the urge to kiss his palms and bring them to caress his face. _Why do you have to be this warm? how could a man’s hands be this soft?_

The other boys’ loud laughter and noise could still be heard even from across the room; Jiwon stood up and went to the door.

BB“Guys I will sleep too, good night, please keep it down!” Jiwon went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he returned Hanbin was sleeping soundly, letting out soft steady breaths, he sit on the edge of his bed to contemplate the adorable small frown and the cute pout the younger had on. The sleeping Hanbin was so soft, so defenseless, Jiwon wanted to protect him at all cost; He leaned in to fix the blanket but he realized how much of a bad idea it was, inhaling Hanbin’s sweet scent slowly, closing his eyes, Jiwon felt his body heating up.

Hanbin smelled of honey and milk, his sweet scent had always been mesmerizing to Jiwon, his brain cannot help but think of how warm would it feel to hold him in his arms now, feeling every inch of him closer. He almost gave in to the idea, when the door was brutally opened.

Junhoe was holding Bobby’s phone with one hand, the other one still fixed on the door’ nob. The young boy stood frozen at the room entrance, completely taken back. In fact, he didn’t quite understand what Jiwon was doing so close to Hanbin’s face, lingering just inches above his face. Junhoe cleared his throat, and approached Jiwon’s bed.

“Hyung, you forgot your phone”, he handed the phone to the older boy. Jiwon startled, sitting abruptly on the bed, avoiding Junhoe’s gaze and moved to his own bed. _Great Jiwon, congrats, you just got Junhoe thinking you were raping Hanbin in his sleep_


	2. Chapter 2

It was the last practice day before they would all fly to Japan for their dome tour. Hanbin with so much on his mind, tried hard to keep the thoughts about Jiwon deeply buried inside his head. He gathered the six boys for final rehearsals of the songs they were performing. Stealing quick glances at bobby from time to time, he mentally kicked himself for staring too long, biting a silly smile forming on his lips at the thought and the realization that Jiwon may actually have feelings for him.

Hanbin had actually first fallen in love with Jiwon back in the days of their early trainee period. He was just too charmed by the older boy’s energy. Everything about bobby had so much energy, or noise, as Hanbin would describe it, Jiwon was not someone that would let his presence be unnoticed. As soon as the two got closer together while practicing and writing songs, Hanbin felt himself drowned to Jiwon even more.

Growing up together as they shared the same ambitions, hanbin didn't find it very hard to keep his feelings to himself, he was content with being beside jiwon. Catching on many signs; hanbin assumed that the older rapper was clearly not sharing his feeling. Keeping iKON's future as his primary thought helped hanbin subside his feelings, he was not going to be greedy and ruin everything. 

If Hanbin is good at one thing, it was fixing goals and maintaining his dreams as his number one priorities. Not to say Jiwon wasn’t one, but Hanbin cared more about music, and his team success than he cared about feelings and a love life. The young boy having spent his whole teenage hood cornered in his tiny studio writing songs, songs about love and romance he never even experienced for once.

Jiwon, on the other hand, was someone who had his heart displayed on his face, he may not be the most vocal and talkative about his feelings, but he always knew how to convey them. Jiwon fell for Hanbin when he least expected it. At first he thought about it as a crush on someone you idolize, as he always admired the younger boy for his hard work, for his talent and his devotion. Then it finally hit him, it was not a mere crush, in fact, it was a bit too strong and too hard to brush it off, to consider it as one.

  
Jiwon had his mind and heart thinking about Hanbin more than what he thought was normal, even when the two were stuck together in schedules, even when they were sleeping side by side in their respective beds. Jiwon longed for being with Hanbin all the time, it was a feeling that grew inside him, a feeling he nurtured for a good three years.

Hanbin didn’t know how to describe his feelings after finding out, he was a little scared to confront Jiwon, how that would affect their friendship, and most importantly the team. He couldn’t help but wonders what that would make them if Jiwon does acknowledge his feelings, and what comes next?

“Oyy, you can’t shut up about how a move Junhoe does wrong, but look at you with your head up in the clouds, what are you doing?” Yunheyong said as he squeezed hanbin’s forearm

HB “Hyung, sorry, I think I’m sick, can you continue with the practice, I’m going to rest a bit”

JH “what’s wrong? How are you feeling?”

HB “Are you a doctor hyung? I said I just want to rest, I’ll feel better afterwards” Hanbin retorted with a tiny smile and met jiwon’s eyes before leaving.

Hanbin knew he was fucked. Once he let all these thoughts inside his head, he let them overtake his supposed to be his number one priority for the moment. Before seeing Jiwon this morning, Hanbin had managed to fool himself into thinking, that the feelings he’s been fighting all along, were all just a phase, and he was going to go past it, like he always managed to.

However, to his big surprise, seeing Jiwon’s face at the practice made everything worse. The way Jiwon looked clueless about him finding out, and how he was peacefully practicing and chatting with the boys, when hanbin’s insides have been churning with anxiety all morning. He thought it was unfair.

Heading to his studio, Hanbin stopped by jaewon’s to say hi, finding the older guy chilling on the sofa wearing nothing but his pants. Hanbin took a seat next to him

HB “Hyung, don’t you have any clothes to put on?”

JW “I wasn’t expecting anyone to come, why are you here anyway, don’t you have practice?”

Hanbin picked up jaewon’s tshirt and threw it on his face.

HB ”Wear your clothes I can’t focus when talking to you naked, too many tattoos hyung’’

JW “Are you saying you can’t focus because you cant take your eyes off me, am I that irresistible Hanbinnie?”

HB ”Ugh never mind, I’m here to say hi, I’m heading to the studio, I couldn’t focus on practice at all”

JW “so you’ve been like this since the big news and now you want to blame me, cute”

HB “Shut up don’t remind me please”

JW “ hahahaha if you think I’m not going to just forget that you’re so naive, anything new?”

HB “No nothing, of course I couldn’t say anything, but hyung why is it so hot in here did you mess up with the air-conditioner?” Feeling so hot Hanbin fanned his face with Jaewon’s discarded t-shirt

Jw “why do you think I’m naked lol, you should try it too, it helps with focusing hahaah”

Without arguing anymore, Hanbin took off his shirt, exposing his firm chest, already sweating from practice and the hot temperature in the studio.

In hope to help the younger boy relax a little, Jaewon started throwing playful punches at hanbin’s chest, caressing and tickling each of the sides of his torso, teasing him.

HB”stop it hyung, it’s ticklish, hahaah” Hanbin fought his urge to burst out laughing, Jaewon continued his playful tickling game, and hanbin finally broke into what seemed like unstoppable giggles.

Soon after he manages to pull himself together. Opening his eyes and brushing Jaewon's hands off of him, Hanbin felt an odd tingling sensation on his left side. As he turned around to see what's causing it, he caught a glimpse of a silhouette standing by the studio door throwing him burning stares, disappearing immediately after making a short eye contact.

Hanbin froze in his place, swallowed hard, and pushed Jaewon hands away, he became a shaking mess.

JW “ What’s wrong? Did you see a ghost or something?”

HB” Hyung, I think someone saw us…”

JW” who?” he turned to the door staring, then stared again at Hanbin, meeting his scared look

JW” Why are you so startled though? What were we even doing?”

HB” I think it was Jiwon, hyung, Jiwon saw us and he looked right at me with an angry expression”

JW “ Oh shit,sorry Bin I was just trying to help you relax Bin, I didn’t know he’s see us and gets the wrong idea..”

HB”I’m sorry hyung, I’ll be in my studio, see you”. Hanbin got himself dressed and left for his studio, leaving Jaewon feeling confused and a bit guilty at how things turned out to be.

Jiwon must have not seen correctly. His eyes were just deceiving him, maybe he was just seeing things? There is no way Hanbin would be naked around Jaewon, playfully laughing and leaning to his touch? _There could be no other explanation to as why Hanbin was sitting with Jaewon, too comfortable, giggling and blushing right?_ _The two must be dating!_ Bobby tried so hard to push the idea aside, to rationalize his thoughts but he just stood there feeling helpless, tears forming around the corners of his eyes.

Right after locking eyes with hanbin’s, Jiwon run to the young boy studio, hiding there, not expecting Hanbin to join him any time soon, since he was obviously busy with what jaewon was doing to him. Feeling his heart breaking into pieces, bobby felt his whole body surging with indescribable emotions: he felt hurt. As silly as it is, Jiwon knew that Hanbin doesn’t owe him anything, he was not his boyfriend, and not in any case his partner, he just couldn’t help but feel hurt, betrayed, sad, angry.

After what appeared to be several minutes, Jiwon hadn’t even calmed down a bit, when the door opened, Hanbin entered the studio.

BB “You’re not supposed to be here..”

HB “ Excuse me? Last time I checked this was my studio”

BB” Never mind, I’ll leave then. I was just trying to check on you since you looked tired at the practice. Guess it’s not an issue anymore?” Bobby faked one of his -let’s end this talk- smiles, Hanbin noticed how it didn’t reach his eyes. He started shaking again, feeling his chest tightening; he wondered what he should say to explain things to Jiwon.

HB ”Hey hyung, you stopped by Jaewon studio earlier. What you saw..” Jiwon stops him from continuing, answering as coldly as ever.

BB "Yeah I didn’t mean to pry on your private time, was just passing by as I heard laughter, and I thought I heard your voice so, maybe next time tone it down a little?”

HB ”It’s not what you think hyung, it’s..” Jiwon was fed up with the way Hanbin keeps trying to explain himself as if he owes him something, he felt ridiculous for that matter. He walked close to Hanbin and patted his shoulder.

BB ”I understand Hanbin, I’m not dumb, don’t feel obliged to explain to me”

With that Jiwon left Hanbin and walked out of the studio. The latter started feeling dizzy, he grabbed at the nearest chair, and settled his weight on it. He felt sick and fought the urge to rush to the bathroom to throws his insides up. His breathing suddenly began to hitch, and his heart rate spiked. He was having a panic attack.

 _This wasn’t supposed to be like this, why is the timing so wrong, why did I stand here like a complete idiot, why didn’t I tell him_ Hanbin’s breath ragged causing him to suffocate. His palms and forehead began to sweat excessively as he tried to remain his focus on steadying his breath.

Without thinking too much he reached into his pocket to his cell phone, composing Jaewon number, the latter answering it immediately. Hanbin stayed silent for a moment and asked the older boy to come to his studio.

Jaewon entered the room just few minutes after ending the call, hands grabbing two bottles of water and a chocolate ice-cream box.

JW ”Oh my god Hanbin, why did you even leave if you were going to be like this? you should have stayed with me “ the older guy said almost screaming, he got closer to Hanbin, and took him in his arms. Hanbin just stared at Jaewon before leaning to his hug and burying his head in the older guy’s neck. He honestly felt like crying.

HB” Hyung, why is luck never on my side?”

Jw “ Aiish, stop saying nonsense, what are you talking about?”

HB” hyung, Jiwon must hate me now. He saw us in your studio, he thought we are a thing”

Jaewon flustered, removed his arms from around Hanbin, and stared straight to guy’s crying eyes. He left his fingers tracing the tears streaking down his cheeks. Before he could say anything, the door reopened again.

Bobby stood at the entrance, frozen, he meant the slam the door shut and run away, but he thought it was just going to make him look like a loser. He entered the small room, stopped at the middle, stroking the back of his hair.

BB ”Another bad timing I guess? Sorry I forgot to grab my jacket earlier”, he aimed at the said jacket that was forgotten on the sofa.

Hanbin pulled at his hair with both hands, dislodging himself from Jaewon’s hold and curling on his legs.

 _JUST FUCKING GREAT_ . He mumbled to himself, several curses skipping his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not an update, just a continuous to the mess I already posted.  
> A feedback would be appreciated ? :)
> 
> To be continued sometime huh?


	3. Chapter 3

///////

It's been two days since an awkward mood settled between the two boys: lack of interactions, weighting silence and an unbearable anxiety eating up the younger boy as he kept thinking of how he must have disappointed his hyung. In fact, hanbin started thinking that maybe if he hadn't witnessed anything that day, things would have turned out differently, wouldn't be this bad. He was beating himself over the thought that he may have hurt jiwon's feelings and lost his trust.

Jiwon on the other hand was still in shock, after seeing hanbin in Jaewon's arms, not just once but twice the same day, he kind of started losing his sanity. Waking up before hanbin, he started going out for an early morning run in hope of clearing his mind.

Coming back after two hours, his energy completely drained, he entered the shower where he started feeling all his emotions and thoughts crumbling, creating chaos inside his head. Jiwon stared at the bathroom mirror for a long time, wiping the forming fog with a towel, he lets a bitter smile form on his face. _I wonder if hanbin likes pretty boys. I mean he must do. Why would you even consider yourself someone he would be attracted to when there is the whole fucking Jung Jaewon hovering all around him, get a hold of yourself idiot._ Jiwon felt an immense pain in his chest, fingers clenching at his heart tightly in an attempt to fill in the hole that's been left there.

///////

It was just another morning at the practice room, where everyone were stiffly following their leader moves, not even investing themselves in the dance, as they were all tired. Before anyone of them started complaining, hanbin called the session off for morning.

HB"Guys, I know we all are tired, but can we try a little harder? Do you know that our hiatus is basically tied to how well we do and how hard we try? Do you think Yang will allow us to fool around and still grant us a comeback? No guys this isn't how things work in here, or anywhere, you should shed blood and tears if you want to reap successful results. I will call it off for this morning, please go eat and get some rest so we can meet up here in the afternoon."

The six boys having showed a bit of guilt on their faces, all nodded in reunion. They started exiting the room one by one. Jinhwan stayed as he approached the leader.

JIH "Hey Binnie, everything is good?"

HB " Yeah hyung, everyone is good. Shouldn't I be the one asking you instead?"

JIH " well, you already know, none of us can work or practice in such a mood. What's up with you and jiwon? The mood around you two is awful for the last three days, it's honestly suffocating”

HB " Oh, is that it? So, even you guys noticed. It must be really bad then"

JIH "Don't beat around the bush and just tell me. I tried asking jiwon but that idiot is worse than you, you can’t communicate with him when he's sulking"

HB "I don’t know what to tell you jinani, as silly as it is, I don’t think I did anything bad to him, and he hasn't done anything wrong to me either. We are just keeping distance. Kind of getting some rest maybe? Haha"

JIH "Dont feed me this bullshit. Just say you can't trust me and you won’t tell me instead of lying to my face"

HB" I'm not lying hyung, it's the truth, we didn't even argue. We just stopped talking"

JIH" I see, so it must be just one of his mood swings then. I thought only me have that"

HB" No hyung, we all get that from time to time hahah"

JIH" Hmmm so how about brightening up the mood. I'll ask the manager hyung to bring us some drinks tonight, and let's loosen up your stress"

HB "You speak as if I'm some heavy drinker jinani, I'm down anyway, I guess everyone needs it somehow"

With that jinhwan tapped on Hanbin's shoulder and left the practice room on his way to the dorm. And as expected, the workaholic hanbin was heading to his studio in order to have some songs polished. He stopped by jaewon studio door, getting closer to the frame he noticed jiwon was inside. The two older guys were having serious faces, hanbin not being able to hear their talk, started feeling frustrated.

Meaning to interrogate jaewon thoroughly later, he left to his studio before the two boys get to notice his presence.

///////

Jiwon was heading back to the dorm after leaving practice, when jaewon called his name. Dong and chanwoo who accompanied him greeted the older guy respectfully, and continued their way.

JW "Do you have a minute, can you stop by my studio?" Jiwon felt startled by both the suggestion and the familiar tone. He nodded and followed him.

Once inside, jaewon invited him to have a seat. Still immersed in the last time memories, seeing images of the smiling hanbin held by jaewon, he started feeling bitter, and angry. He declined jaewon invitation.

BB "Dont have much time, what is it jaewon?"

JW "Jaewon????? Last time I checked i was your hyung and sunbae, why don't you call me hyung"

Bobby scoffed. "Yeah yeah hyung, sunbae, what is it? Why did you call me?"

Jaewon felt irritated by the younger boy's mocking tone, tried to keep his focus on the main reason he asked him to talk.

Jw "You know, the other day, me and hanbinnie, when you saw us.."

Jiwon not bearing to hear any words from jaewon, hating how he even get to say his name with such tender, retorted, not letting the older guy finish his words

BB "You know I don't think I'm obliged to hear anything about your private love adventures hyung. If you're here to tell me to keep my mouth shut, don't worry about that, I'm more placed to know Hanbin's good interest, I won’t be saying anything so rumors won’t spread. We need no scandals, iKON doesn’t need any more troubles. So you can save your energy" he finished with his signature bunny teeth smile.

Jaewon flustered, eyes wide and mouth hung open, couldn't believe how dumb jiwon could get before realizing what he actually wanted to say to him, and how could his mind be this wild to start imagining things, and what scandal?. He was just too stunned to find words, almost baffled with how the rapper took things too far.

Jw ”Hey Kim Jiwon, do you realize how you’re being too careless with your words! Hanbin and I were just having fun, nothing of what you thought, but..”

Jiwon interrupted his talk once more time, leaving the older boy’s fuming with anger

BB “Yes hyung, to anyone passing by, two naked boys are just having fun, no big deal”

Jw ”WE WERE NOT NAKED.. Okay maybe half naked, but that’s completely different” Jaewon hearing the same annoying scoff has started to lose his cool blood.

Jw ”You know what, I feel stupid trying to prove a point to you, yeah you’re free to think as you like, Hanbinnie and I are really close, I understand, it’s only natural for you to have such thoughts, maybe you’re not wrong after all, maybe I should consider it”

Jaewon stared hard and straight at Jiwon eyes, smirking as he sensed the younger boy’s obvious discomfort. Jiwon stood there frozen, the words still piercing hard at his ears, aiming at every insecurity the boy had shoved back inside his head. He could hear the smirk Jaewon was making; he could see images of the two intertwining their fingers, holding hands, looking back at him, leaving him behind. In short, he could see Hanbin slipping out of his hold, getting farther and farther to reach.

Jaewon meaning to fuel the younger boy even more, threaded his fingers through his hair, still annoyingly smirking

Jw” I mean, until when I’m going to hold myself? If you are taking it pretty much well, I think everyone else would do the same, maybe I should just proudly hold onto Hanbin. Thank you Kim Jiwon” He tapped on jiwon’s shoulder, rejoicing in the fuming rage state the younger boy was showing.

With an unreadable expression, Jiwon nodded at him and left the studio. Jaewon flopped on the sofa, taking a hold of his long forgotten phone, _what an idiot coward, how can he be this dense!_  
Jaewon went through the dozens of messages he received from Hanbin, shaking his head in disbelief _those two idiots need to get a hold of themselves, seriously!_ He composed the young leader’s number and called him

Jw ”Yo kiddo, what’s the fuss is about? You can’t stay calm, can you?”

HB” Hyuuuuuuuuuuung, tell me!! Tell me now what did you and Jiwon talk about, I saw you in the studio together”

Jaewon holding the phone far enough from his ear as he waited for hanbin’s whiny ass to finish his annoying interrogating session to reply

Jw ”Hey Hanbin, I don’t even know how I got myself stuck in the middle of you two idiots, but Jiwon is really being so ridiculous, how can you even like someone like him? he is so stubborn!”

HB ”Hyung, don’t say such stuff about him, he is not an idiot, he just assumed from what he has seen with his own eyes, you can’t blame him”

JW ”Aigooo, so thoughtful from you, you’re such an understanding boyfriend, aigoo Jiwon is a lucky bitch! Anyway, I think I fucked it up some more”

HB “WHAT! Hyuuuung what did you do? What did you say to him?”

Jw “Well I basically didn’t say anything, he jumped into conclusions all by himself, but I didn’t deny anything either haha, you should have seen his face hahaahah”

HB ”Hyung, you are surely enjoying this, and I’m the one collecting free anxiety”

Jw “Hey listen Hanbin, the dude is so into you, I don’t know what’s still holding him if he already assumed you are into men, he must be an idiot for letting the chance slip away from him like that”

HB “right hyung, I think that makes the two of us idiots, I’ve been killing myself over the thought that he may feel disgusted with me if he knows about my sexuality, now that im sure he feels the same way I still can’t confront him, this is really frustrating”

Jw ”well yeah you both are frustrating, and I don’t think I’m gonna enjoy babying you two for so long, you better get your shit figured out asap! I’m hangin up”

///////

It was already late evening when everyone got back from practice. Jinhwan true to his words, had already asked the manager to get the seven boys a considerable amount of drinks : beer, whiskey, wine, to each their preferences, and of course, few cans of soda for the maknae.

JH ”Woaah, Jinannii you are the best hyung ever, you got all our favourites”

JIH “yeah yeah kiddo, enjoy, and be grateful for my generosity, it won’t happen often”

After taking turns to shower, the boys settled all around the small table in the living room, Yunhyeong having prepared several snacks, to eat along with the drinks. Hanbin was just coming back from the roof after smoking his last cigarette of the day; he took a seat next to yunhyeong, -obviously- snuggling to him asking to be fed.

Everyone started picking their favorite drinks and snacks while having random conversations about the gossips in the company, the albums that were out, the new forming bands etc.. As the empty bottles started piling up on the floor, the boys between slightly tipsy and completely drunk, have all shifted their positions, creating a mess in the already tiny living room.

Chanwoo being the only one still having his 100% brain cells working was taking turns filling up his hyungs glasses, while enjoying taking blackmailing material pictures. Jinhwan, Song, and Dong were already passed out.

In the middle of the familiar chaos, jiwon has found his way to approach Hanbin, losing all his sober braincells to the sudden rush of courage caused by the alcohol intoxicating his blood. He settled his head on the young leader’s shoulder, making hanbin’s heart flutter. With an almost empty glass on his hand, Jiwon muffled a few sounds escaping his mouth in hanbin’s neck, causing the other to shiver at the touch.

Hanbin looked down at him, forehead already frowning, cheeks slightly pink from the tipsiness, his eyes went wide with shock as he felt Jiwon grabbing his face, holding it between his two hands.

HB “ Hyung.. what do you want?”

A long deafening silence came after, the three half-sober boys were all staring at Jiwon, the latter had finally spoken, a little bit too loud for everyone to stop moving.

BB ”Hanbin, no Hanbinnie, don’t you … don’t you think I’m handsome too? Am I ugly, too ugly? Hm ? hm?”

Hanbin was taken back at the sudden, out-of-nowhere- question, completely forgot how to breath, as he had his heart racing, ready to explode.

HB “Hyung, suddenly? what are you saying?”

Jiwon let go of hanbin’s cheeks, stood and leaned back at the sofa. A half-drunk Junhoe and completely alcohol-free Chanwoo started exchanging worried looks, feeling as if they’re interrupting a private moment between the two older boys.

BB “Fine fine, you can say he is more handsome than me, but guess what, he can’t love you more than I do!!! Do you hear me?”

Hanbin had both his heart and soul leaving his body, chest nearly bursting from the mixed emotions he was feeling, he completely lost his voice, unable to form any intelligible sentence

Jiwon downed the content of the glass he was holding before replacing it on the table.

BB “You know I can be handsome too if I want!! He may have the face, but I have the body, look”

Jiwon has lost it. It was confirmed when he started taking off his shirt, flexing his muscles, touching them, all while staring at Hanbin.

“HEOL” Junhoe and Chanwoo exclaimed in reunion.

Hanbin was lost for words; he stared back at the older drunk boy, and stood up getting closer to him.

BB’ What ? do you want to touch my muscles?, no no, you don’t get to do that ~~”

HB ”Hyung, you’re drunk let’s get you to bed” “JUNG CHANWOO STOP FILMING” Hanbin snapped back at the maknae, who immediately hid his phone, mumbling a small “sorry”.

As Hanbin got a hold of Jiwon between his arms, steadying him up, the older boy made the most stupid smile; Hanbin’s favourite smile, all bunny teeth and half-moon eyes smile. Hanbin felt something deep inside him shake; he smiled back at Jiwon just as fondly.

He helped him to his room; took off his socks and pants, and settled him in bed. The old boy was reeking of alcohol, Hanbin considered if he should help him brush his teeth before sleeping. Taking one glance at the passed out Jiwon’s face, he immediately brushed off the idea _it would be too much hassle,_ he thought.

As he was getting back to help the other passed out boys to their respective beds, Hanbin stood up, and felt jiwon’s grip on his waist, he was shoved down to Jiwon’s arms, the older boy’s grip as strong as valerian steel, made Hanbin’s attempt to escape futile. Startled, he turned around to look at Jiwon’s face, to see if he was already awake, he was met with two sad dark eyes.

BB”Hanbinnie, can’t you... can't you choose me this once?.. hum?”

Jiwon’s voice was small, barely audible, but Hanbin heard him well. He wanted to answer, to say something in return, to reassure his hyung, but as he attempted to speak, Jiwon claimed his lips, as feverishly as ever.

With closed eyes, Jiwon kissed Hanbin as if that mere kiss would take away all the pain … magically enough, it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I posted all had in my drafts for the moment, I hope I'd be able to finish writing this sometimes soon,  
> If you enjoyed reading it a little bit, please leave feedback, it would encourage me hehe 
> 
> Praying for our doubleB's happiness, always ~


	4. Chapter 4

"Get your asses up now come on 5...4...3... I swear to god it's the last time I'm waking you up...2.." Baymax manager screamed for what appeared to be the nth time.

Bobby, the "early bird" was the first one to wake up though. Hands grabbing hard his head, eyes still half opened, he walks towards the kitchen and mumbles a small good morning on his way to the bathroom.

His head is throbbing, everything hurts, each and every single part of his face felt like it might explode. Jiwon hasn’t had such a dull headache in a long time. "It must be the excessive drinking from last night" he thought.

Junhoe opens the bathroom abruptly earning a series of swears from jiwon and a shampoo bottle thrown at his face.

JH "Not my fault, lock the door idiot"

JIH"yah koo junhoe who are you calling an idiot, he is your hyung" jinhwan was quick to interfere.

"Yaa you have the energy to argue first thing in the morning when I've been waking you up for hours now. Do you have an idea what time is it?" The manager kicked junhoe in the leg causing him to stumble

"Gumorning" Dong greeted everyone and took a seat on the sofa.

"Anyway, I think my job here is done. Hanbin is going to murder you all. It's 1pm already and he been up since early morning, expecting you to join the practice. I'm going to head out for a bit. Your breakfast and hangover soup is in the kitchen. Wake the rest and you better not be any more late". Just as Baymax exited the apartment, the half awake boys crawled back to the sofa, still hoping to get more rest.

JIH " I don’t understand, how did hanbin manage to wake up so early. I'm sure he drank much to keep him knocked out for the whole morning"

DK " hanbin hyung is amazing, not even hangover stops him from practicing"

///////

In the practice room, hanbin was laying on the floor, staring at the mirror from across the room, head in the clouds, mouth hung opened. His eyes focused on his slightly swollen lips and the pinkish bitten marks on his shoulder. The young leader hasn't had a wink of sleep.

After the "little drinking incident" he and Bobby had, hanbin became restless. He tried laying in his bed all night in hope to catch some sleep. Obviously distracted by the boy sleeping next to his bed, he couldn't help but overthink everything, all night.

There was a sick feeling coiling in his insides and he didn’t know if it was the hangover or the lack of sleep. He tried to keep a straight mind. To look at things positively. _At least now I have confirmed that Bobby hyung likes me. No? Isn't that enough?_

He tried to reassure himself, to think of how he was supposed to act around the older boy now. Is he supposed to consider last night events as jiwon's confession? Is it a cue for him to voice out his feelings as well? Hanbin was drowning in an endless internal turmoil.

After what felt like an eternity, the six boys finally showed up, looking twice as tired as they were the day before. Hanbin felt shivers down his spine as soon as he laid eyes on jiwon, his anxiety striking, he avoided eye contact with the older boy for as much as he could.

Reciting few instructions, and guiding the guys through their dance routine, hanbin took a seat at the middle of the room, staring at the mirror, following the members moves. Piercing eyes too focused not to miss on any wrong motion.

Hanbin made one mistake, which was drifting his look to stare at the older rapper, tracing his lips with his eyes, scanning him from head to toe; He had always thought that jiwon was good looking but right now his presence just seemed to pull hanbin in. It was almost too much for him.

Jiwon was a whole delicious meal, from his gorgeous hair, to his plump lips. to his flawless body, moving with ease, causing all the firm muscles to twist; Hanbin's eyes itched at the provoking sight. “This is unfair, I was the one supposed to do the seducing, not him” Hanbin almost cried internally.

He swallowed hard, and tried distracting himself, looking at Yunhyeong and jinhwan, making obvious remarks to the maknae line.

Three hours later, the boys ended the training session and headed back to the dorms for lunch.

As Chanwoo and Dong were making the food orders, the other boys were taking turns showering, washing off the tiresome. Hanbin was already taking a seat in the living room when jiwon finished his shower, hair still wet, wearing a tight tank top tracing his fine muscles. He was indeed such a sight. A mouth watering one.

Hanbin felt a wave of heat travelling his body, as jiwon flopped on the sofa beside him, The strong sweet smell of shampoo and conditioner jiwon used weren't much of a help

Hanbin panicked. His brain kept sending him all kind of mixed up signals : anxiety, attraction, fear, but the later took the best of him. He wanted to know if Jiwon remembers what he did last night. He was dying to know if the older boy's head was filled with those flashbacks as much as his own was.

HB"..h..how is your ..h...headache?" Hanbin stuttered and almost cursed himself out loud for that.

Jiwon was still holding the towel, drying his hair thoroughly when he heard Hanbin's question.

BB"im a lot better now, had an awful headache the morning"

HB” I see.., you sure have drank a lot” Hanbin too nervous, couldn't wait for jiwon to say something so he kept the conversation going..

BB" yeah man I drank like it was my last night hahah, I don't remember shit, you should have stopped me tho"

HB" it's not like I didn’t try...do you not remember anything at all?”

BB” No, not a thing, did i do some stupid shit?”

HB”no not really, nothing happened just you being your usual self haha” Hanbin scratched the back of his head as he looked very uncomfortable.

As they remained sitting in the living room, watching whatever the TV had on. The others were joining them for lunch, settled around the table, chanwoo was enjoying being the center of attention as he was describing each member’s drinking habits and the considerable number of blackmailing pictures he took, going on about how Jinhwan has passed out after only half a bottle, drooling all over the couch, how dong’s kept babbling nonsense and how Jiwon was a whole mood. He was just about to spill more about jiwon’s drunken behavior, when Hanbin kicked his leg from under the table, as a sign for him to stop.

The boys were all still giggling and unwrapping the food, setting the side dishes and snacks they orderd. Bobby’s phone rang loudly, the older rapper stood up answering it.

BB” you guys finish eating without me, I have something to do and need to go out, see ya”

The boys exchanged few glances before Donghyuk shout him a cheerful “ye hyung, take care” and everyone went back to eating their food.

Hanbin felt curious, wanting to know more about the phone call, he pushed his own plate towards Junhoe asking him to finish it for him, the younger boy; mouth still stuffed nodded enthusiastically.

Hanbin headed towards their shared room, finding Jiwon changing his clothes already. Desperate to have some answers?

HB” You’re in a hurry, an important phone call?”

BB “ah, not really I’m just going to help with some stuff”

Looking at Jiwon, Hanbin didn’t feel any kind of excitement in his eyes or his tone, he felt somehow selfishly relieved at that and just nodded at the older boy’s answer.

He laid down in his bed, scrolling in his phone. Stealing glances at Jiwon who was still fixing his hair in the mirror. Hanbin got lost in his thoughts, he found himself smiling, thinking how good looking Jiwon was, Hanbin couldn’t help the stupid endearing smile forming on his lips, eyes so soft for the older guy.

Jiwon finished fixing himself in front of the mirror turned around to say bye, and headed out.

Hanbin felt both relieved and sad seeing him leave. He was finally going to be alone for some time, to have his thoughts together, and rest a little. But he was also sad, he couldn’t explain how disappointed he felt with Jiwon not remembering anything at all, how things only got harder for him, now that all he had on his mind was Jiwon Jiwon Jiwon.

He shifted in his bed, hands under his side cheeks, replaying all that happened in the past days, thinking about the older guy, remembering how warm his hold felt, recalling how he kissed him so soft on the lips and so desperate on his neck. Hanbin already started feeling hot, an inconvenient boner popping up in his sweats.

He thanked the heavens for the private little time he got to relieve himself, remembering to lock the door was his first priority before jumping back to his bed, and hiding under the covers.

He started by palming his dick through his underwear, finding himself already painfully hard, he reached for his phone to play some porn while lazily stroking his boner.The tips of his fingers moving along his cock, teasing himself just enough. Images of jiwon holding him, grabbing his waist, the heat of their bodies together invading his mind.

Soon Hanbin left his phone forgotten, his other hand touching slightly the bitten marks, reminiscing in the the pleasure jiwon gave to him last night. He continued to lazily stroke himself, growing harder from his touch he let his head fall back against the bed.

Of course, it wasn’t his hand he was picturing, it was jiwon’s, having already seen the guy doing the deed, the images revived in his memory, he could almost feel it; jiwon’s fingers tightly wrapped around his cock, moving up and down in a steady rhythm. Hanbin swears he would come just from the thought of it;

He sped up his rhythm, fucking his hand, and not caring to keep it quiet, his breath came as soft moans, and a muffled cry slipping his mouth as he came, toes curled, as he continued to stroke himself through his orgasm, coating both his hand and abs with cum.

Hanbin stayed like that for few minutes, waiting for the shivers to subside. Head throbbing, eyes tightly shut down. It's been so fucking long since he came as hard as that and it felt so relieving after being the whole day turned on with a fucking gorgeous Kim Jiwon around.

Exhausted, he couldn’t get his ass up to take a shower, and simply settled for the wet wipes he grabbed from the night shelve, cleaning himself, before immediately falling into a deep sleep.

///////

After what seemed like hours later, Hanbin was woken up with a series of notifications from his phone, eyes still half shut, he searched for it under the covers, and checked the group chat.

The boys were hyping up some pictures that Jiwon dropped, checking them, Hanbin beamed at the toothy smile Jiwon was pulling in his selca before he could recognize the person posing with him, hanbin’s smile vanishing as quickly as it has formed.

“Jung Hanna”, Jung Hanna was the reason Jiwon leaped out of the lunch table, leaving his food untouched. She was the reason he put on perfume and styled his hair, Hanbin felt waves of sadness crashing against his heart, soaking it in bitterness.

He bit down on his lip as he recalled something Jaewon has told him in their conversation the other day… “Are you sure he said your name, and not some girl’s name similar to yours?” as he stared at the picture once again, Hanbin’s tears were unstoppable.

… _Hanna… not Hanbin..What am I? an idiot? How can I have heard it wrong? Have I been fooling myself all along? how silly could you get kim hanbin, what? jiwon jerking off to you? what is this, your wet dream?_ Hanbin hid his face under his pillow squeezing it tight as if to suffocate himself out off breath and stopping the tormenting voices inside his head.

Of course, Jung Hanna has been jiwon’s biggest weakness ever since their debut days, Hanbin remembers how Jiwon wouldn’t shut up about how talented, beautiful, and gorgeous the girl was. Always renting to him about how she never got the treatment she deserves from their agency, how she was a wasted gem, that needed to shine brighter.

Hanbin has always been empathetic, simply agreed with Jiwon about it, thinking that Hanna sure was talented but never got proper chances. He has never once felt jealous towards the said girl.

He sure thought Jiwon was worrying too much for her even though she was already their sunbae, but didn’t give himself time to process things properly.

Hanbin felt sick, he felt a dull pain deep in his heart, his anxiety started swallowing him up. Hot blood rushing to his head, Hanbin sensed his eyes brimming with tears. He felt betrayed by his own emotions, he wanted to curse himself for being this naïve, this stupid. _ASSHOLE!_ He yelled as he punched the so far innocent pillow repeatedly. He was directing his curse both at Jiwon and himself.

///////

It was already evening, Hanbin didn’t want to be seen like this, he didn’t want to let Jiwon see him, not now not anytime soon. He grabbed his jacket and headed out to the studio.

He stopped by the entrance for a couple of cigarettes. Hanbin was maniacally laughing at his own delusional thoughts, how he has succeeded at fooling himself into believing Jiwon liked him, how he let his guards down and let himself be used by Jiwon in such a way.

He entered his studio, crashing to the sofa as he pulled another cigarette to smoke.

He didn’t hear the door open when Jaewon picked the unfinished cig from his hand taking a long drag before returning it to the younger guy.

HB “ Buy your own cigarettes” Hanbin said coldly.

JW “Grumpy? What’s going on? ” Jaewon, or as Hanbin calls him, the psychic, has already sensed something happening, that Hanbin was obviously failing to hide from him.

Hanbin feeling embarrassed by his own thoughts and actions, couldn’t bring himself to talk about it to anyone, not even Jaewon this time. He thought lying this once to save his ass was the natural thing to do.

HB” Nothing, I’m just stuck with several unfinished songs, I feel like I can’t produce anything good at all”

Jaewon stared at the young leader, sighed heavily and crashed beside him on the sofa.

Jw” Aigoooo, this is like practically everyone’s problem around this company. Inspiration comes with a cost binnie, it doesn’t come that easily, but when it does 'm sure you’ll be making hit songs again”

Hanbin answered with a longer and a heavier sigh, closing his eyes, and taking the last drag of his cigarette before putting it off.

“I want to get drunk” Hanbin suddenly stood up, startling the older guy.

Jw” Ahaha where does this come from? Are you sure it’s just music? You rarely ever drink kiddo”

HB”And that’s why I feel like I need to compensate for all what I haven’t drank untill now! tonight!!”

Jaewon burst out in laughter, playfully slapping the younger’s arms. ”Damn right you need to do that Hanbinnie”

The two headed out to the convenience store to come back with a remarkable stock of beer and soju hidden in black plastic sacs.

Jw “You think YG would tolerate us drinking in here? Shouldn’t we have done that at my place instead?”

Hanbin freezed for a moment, considering what the older said, “Fuck that, I’m going to drink, and I’m going to do it my way” He went to his desktop, playing a random soft playlist and crashed on the sofa opening the beer can, downing it in one shot.

JW”Wow slow it down boo, you’re going to choke yourself” the older said with a beaming smile, settling next to the younger rapper opening up a can for himself.

Jaewon handed another beer to the younger guy, enjoyed staring at how cutely tipsy he has gotten from just his first drink. Drunk Hanbin was surely a pretty sight, a mixture of a sad poet, a ranting grandma, and an extremely touchy boyfriend. Jaewon found him to be a very attractive man; the way hanbin looked to him now, he was certainly a person to die for. Being much sober than how the younger guy was, Jaewon mentally kicked himself for letting his thoughts wander that far.

They continued to drink, beer and shots of soju, until they could no longer reach for the remained bottles on the floor without stumbling and falling down, causing both of them to laugh hysterically.

Hanbin, however, let out strangled cries in between his laughter, hands covering his face, he started crying too loudly, series of incoherent curses slipping out of his mouth, knees curled up to his chest, he was heavily sobbing.

Jaewon was taken back with how things turned out to be, a bit too wasted to react immediately, he remained in his place, his hand barely touching hanbin’s back in soothing patterns.

Jw”I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I’m all ears if you change your mind Hanbinnie”was all what the older guy said without retrieving his hand.

Hanbin shook his head repeatedly, apparently too pained to talk, he hopes Jaewon gets the idea and just let him be.

Jaewon stood up and turned up the music volume, changing the playlist so as Hanbin could cry his heart’s content without being noticed by someone walking by. He returned to his place, inches closer, arms holding the crying boy’s shoulder.

There were several knocks on the door that went unheeded, before the door opened to reveal an unwanted guest.

Jiwon barged in the room calling hanbin’s name, falling silent at the sight before his eyes. “he is with Jaewon , of fucking course” he said without minding the two boys actually hearing him.

BB”Hanbin I was looking for you, need to show you some lyrics, but it could wait, finish what you’re doing”

Hanbin hasn’t lift his head up to look at him, hasn’t moved an inch at his entrance. Jiwon figured it was maybe the loud music, so he called his name again, screaming this time

“HANBIN, Did you hear me? I’ll be waiting at the dorms”

HB ”The fuck do you want?” Hanbin growled in between sobs, voice shaking, he stared at Jiwon with bloodshot eyes.

Jiwon took a step forward, looking at him, not listening to what he said, too concerned with his red eyes.

BB” Hanbin what’s wrong? Did you cry? What is it tell me”

Hanbin didn’t answer tho, he turned his head to face the wall, avoiding jiwon’s worried expression. He didn’t want to fall for it a second time.

HB ”I’m fine, why are you here again?” his voice betraying him, still shaking from the heavy sobbing session he had few minutes ago.

Jaewon was staying still, didn’t want to meddle between the two, but he knew Jiwon was the reason behind hanbin’s crying. He felt a wave of anger at the older rapper, but still contained himself so as not to add up to the mood’s weightning discomfort.

Jiwon on the other hand, stepped closer, and leaned in to hanbin’s face. “You’ve been drinking? just how much have you drunk?”

HB” None of your damn business asshole”

Jiwon was trying so hard to ignore the harsh replies he’s been getting from the younger boy but this one was a bit too much to handle.

Before he could say anything, Hanbin stood up, stumbling on the couch, before steadying himself still, he headed for the door and stormed out of the studio. Jiwon tailed after him, grabbing his wrist as they reached the building’s entrance.

BB” Where do you think you’re going in this state? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Hanbin stared at jiwon’s grip on his wrist before breaking it free. Looking at the older guy with a blank expression.

HB” Why? Would that change anything at all for you?”

Bobby could see Hanbin was sobering up, he wasn’t that drunk anymore, he just couldn’t make sense to what the younger guy was saying, he has never heard him talk in such a detached way before.

BB ”Hey man, listen I’m sorry if I just barged in and disturbed your moment, I just wanted to share with you some lyrics I wrote for someone, wanted your opinion”

Hanbin scoffed at what Jiwon said, almost losing himself to tears again, he got a hold of his anger and reached for jiwon’s collar

“You kissed me when you were drunk but now what? You write songs for women when sober. What kind of man are you Kim Jiwon?”

Hanbin pushed Jiwon back with his remaining force, and started walking away, not caring to explain any further to the unfazed guy he just threw a bomb at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I think i messed this up, I wrote it in such a rushed way, i could barely finish this 3K today.
> 
> I already feel bad cuz I somehow promised to do better but i'm ruining it T-T i'm sorry


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A necessary light angst and misunderstanding, because as i said, it's necessary.

Watching Hanbin walking away, leaving him behind, Jiwon remained frozen in his place for the longest time, not moving as if he was electrocuted, he still could not process what had just happened.

It took him several minutes to replay the exact words the younger boy has spit on him without a former notice. Hanbin sure wasn't vague with what he said, but jiwon still wished he had heard it all wrong.

Not remembering anything after drinking so much that night, jiwon woke up with a strong headache, he had certainly felt something else different in him, but couldn't tell what it was. The hangover's dull pain was taking over all his senses.

It was not too long after, that Jiwon suddenly felt his legs go weak, his back hitting the wall, sliding down slowly. Fingers clenched on the hem of his shirt. He just knew it was his fault. Nothing else would justify the angry look on Hanbin's face or the tears he was holding back when he told him that.

Endless flashbacks started hitting his memory, images of an annoyed Hanbin carrying him to bed, the incoherent babble of noise the boys were making, playing in the background of his head, also flashes of a nervous Hanbin between his arms… _it was all-real_. Jiwon grabbed his head between his two hands as a tentative to stop those recollections.. " _it can't be real, no I did not do that to hanbin.. no God no tell me it's not real_ ".

When the sensation of their connected lips finally hit him, jiwon's breath was caught up in his lungs. Standing up with jelly legs, chest heavily breathing, heading towards the dorms was the only command his brain could come up with. Starting with fast steps, he soon was running down the streets, not caring if anyone called him a crazy or a madman.

Going to their dorms was something that Jiwon would never associate with discomfort or anxiety. He has always found the cozy place to be the most peaceful hideout from their harsh daily lives. But at that moment it was a place that made jiwon's heart throb with endless dread.

Approaching their shared bedroom, jiwon wished the earth could just swallow him before he gets to meet Hanbin. He didn't know what to say to the younger boy. He had no idea how to apologies for his mistake, he didn't even know if he should explain his reasons or just spill the whole truth to him right now.

He wanted to say that it was just a mere drunken mistake, that it didn’t mean anything, but he could almost hear the echo of his words in the air, ridiculing him for all the selfish lies and the stupid denial show he was putting on.

With shaky hands, Jiwon finally opened the door, entering only to find the room empty, with their beds still neatly tidied. The silence that filled the place was unmerciful, deafening; everything that surrounded him was just empty. Jiwon knew he had fucked up big time.

///////

After leaving Jiwon there, Hanbin made sure, he had completely sobered up, stopping by a café nearby to get a drink. Sensing his rage calming down, slowly replaced by a bitter sense of regret. Seated in his table, waiting for his order, Hanbin had his whole life events displaying in slow motion before his eyes. He wonders at what point did his life become this fucked up.

The thing with Hanbin is that his hurt feelings were not just a result of him overthinking stuff. It was more the long due crush he has been nurturing over the years.

In fact, he has been in love with Jiwon ever since he has become conscious of his changing heart. For Hanbin, three years was a long period to endure all those confusing mixed feelings. Being the leader with many responsibilities, Hanbin somehow learned to set his priorities and sort out his feelings, he knew he didn’t stand a chance with Bobby so he never allowed himself to be greedy.

However, he continued supporting the older guy by being by his side unconditionally, happy to share peaceful moments as long as they were still together.

Recalling some of their shared memories, Hanbin wonders how did he come to fall for jiwon’s charm so easily? What did exactly Jiwon has in him that was so special? Why he could never put an end to his growing feelings until now?

Well for each question hanbin could list at least a million reason right away... there just were so many things about jiwon that kept pulling him in no matter how much resistance he showed.

Hanbin was also mad at himself. He has not only assumed that Jiwon reciprocated his feelings, he has also thought that he was actually into men… just like him; The endless train of thoughts had completely brought him back to square one, where all his insecurities came from : Jiwon wasn’t gay to begin with.

He suddenly felt a wave of anxiety taking over him, making him feel like he never should have said anything, like he never should have dared to hope for anything, hands covering his face, a flow of senseless regret crashing on his mind.

Well for anyone who were there with them since their debut days, saying Jiwon was straight was only stating the obvious; In fact, the teenage boy as soon as he joined his teammates has never hesitated to express how he found idol group girls very hot, or how he daydreamed, he would get a chance dating some Korean model. Exchanging porn magazines with Jinhwan and Yunghyeong, even watching mature movies together.

Somehow, for a son of a very religious family, Jiwon was surprisingly open-minded. Hanbin had once talked to him about homosexuality, in hopes to know what the older thinks about it. “ _ **People loved whom they loved, you don’t get to choose who you fall for**_ ” was what Jiwon has told him. Hanbin had those words deeply scripted in his heart. They have somehow given him hope throughout the years.

Regaining the track of his thoughts, Hanbin internally kicked himself at how ridiculously stupid he was being; he now knows better, he should stop and quit everything.

Hanbin knew he wasn’t ready for any talk with Jiwon again, he searched for his phone composing Jaewon’s number;

HB” Hi, guess you’d be having a guest in for some time”

Jw ”what ? how come they kicked you out this soon Hanbinnie? Tssk heartless bastards”

HB” shut up, I just don’t feel like seeing him for now”

Jw” For nowww” jaewon’s annoying voice almost got on hanbin’s nerves.

HB” Hyung, I can just sleep in the studio, thanks”

Jw” why are you so worked up tho, I’m just kidding binnie, you’re welcome to drop by whenever, let’s have a chill night!”

He immediately regretted the idea, thinking if he would be able to handle jaewon’s constant teasing for the whole night.

///////

Five days went by since Hanbin has turned himself into an obsessed workaholic, maintaining a frantic schedule, going between guiding the guys through their individual vocal lessons, showing up for photoshoots, writing songs and doing music. Exhaustion was written all over the young boy’s face.

Hanbin wasn’t ready yet to face Jiwon, let alone talk things out with him. Making up excuses each time to Jinhwan and the other members, He didn’t even bother getting his own things, borrowing Jaewon’s whenever needed, spending more time at the studio than anywhere else.

Jiwon on the other hand was losing brain cells. Five days without Hanbin were crazy, the older rapper has been restless the entire time, it wouldn’t be surprising to say he was losing himself at this point. He has been texting Hanbin ever since that evening, even tried to call him twice, tried sending random memes to the groupchat in hope to see if he was even checking his phone at all; but whatever he has done, was in vain.

It was Friday when everyone received the email notification for a scheduled meeting with YG, regarding the group’s future activities. Jiwon was wheezing when he read the said email, feeling his insides turning up at the thought of seeing Hanbin.

As he was walking towards the building, bobby’s eyes were all over the place, desperately looking for the missing boy, expecting to have some moments to talk to him before the meeting starts. He soon found the other boys gathering around their managers, including Hanbin, they were all trying to get some spoilers about what YG could announce to them.

Jiwon joined the group, eyes not leaving Hanbin, he mumbled a small “hi” that went unnoticed by him. He approached him, and went even closer repeating it, his voice still small but he was sure everyone heard him well. Chanwoo, Dong and even the manager all nodded at jiwon’s, and returned his greeting with a smile. Hanbin, didn’t bother to even turn around to face him or to answer, he kept talking to the manager in an nonchalant way, causing bobby to look very uncomfortable as he grabbed his phone to scroll down on it.

Jiwon felt like crying. Being ignored like this, when he was face to face with Hanbin felt ten times worse than staring back at his neglected texts, the thought of having him so close but not being able to talk to him burned him deep inside. He opened the chat with Hanbin and sent him a text asking to have a talk.

Hanbin checked his phone, dismissing the received text with a fast swipe, shoved it back to his pocket and returned to continue his chatting. Bobby’s heart was beating so fast, he didn’t know how to fix this, his heart was hurting too much for him to think of anything else. He approached Hanbin once again

BB ”Hanbin, can I have a word with you?”

HB “later hyung” Hanbin glanced at him quickly before grabbing his phone to answer an incoming call.

///////

They were all taking their seats, when YG entered the meeting room. Being the poisonous snake that he is, he straightforwardly started addressing a series of critics about iKON’s current situation, mainly to Hanbin, as their leader, and to the rest of the boys. He kept going on about how a comeback would be impossible without them writing a hit song, and how they were scheduled for another japan tour so as to compensate for their “laziness”.

As Jiwon listened, his eyes were entirely fixed on hanbin’s, with every word said to them, the young leader seemed to tense up more, his face remaining impassive, with dark piercing eyes. Jiwon just knew that look, he knows it only exists when Hanbin has made up his mind, when he would become detached from everything and only focused on his work. He knew there was no room to be talking to him about anything that didn’t involve iKON’s next comeback.

After dismissing them from the meeting, Hanbin went straight to Jiwon.

HB “You said you wanted to talk” Bobby wasn’t expecting this to happen, he froze at first, his forehead beaded with sweat, he started mumbling a series of unintelligible words.

HB” What?” 

BB” I .. I w-want to t-talk to you” 

HB” This is pretty much what we’re doing”

BB” I mean, can we go somewhere else first?” It was hanbin’s turn to freeze, he didn’t plan on being alone with Jiwon anywhere, he didn’t feel safe at the idea;

HB” we can go to the studio” he managed to say as coldly as he could, already leading the way. Jiwon soon followed him, hiding his shaky hands inside his pockets.

There was a long moment of silence, in which the two boys just stared at each other mutely. Jiwon felt half-sick with fear, tried to gather his thoughts as much as he could.

BB “ Hanbin, I’m sorry you had to leave like that, angry at me” Hanbin didn’t seem to react to that, so Jiwon didn’t stop

BB” You know I had no idea I did that, I would have apologized the next day if I remembered, I’m so sorry Hanbin, I was just too drunk”

HB” so what are you apologizing for exactly?”

BB “I’m sorry I kissed you when I was drunk, I’m sorry I laid my hands on you, I wasn’t conscious with my actions”

There was a long silence before Hanbin rose his head, staring at Jiwon with a calm expression.

HB” Sure it was a mistake, don’t do that again”

BB” what, you mean you forgive me right?”

HB “ there wasn’t anything to be forgiven, I was upset that day, I took my anger out on you, mistakes like this can happen, no big deal”

Jiwon didn’t realize he was holding he breath until he released the longest sigh, feeling his lungs alive again. He was relieved at hanbin’s answer, but his heart was hurting with disappointment in himself. He has just missed his chance to ever bring up his feelings to Hanbin again. He has just pretended it was mistake; there was no turning back in time.

BB “But if you weren’t upset with me, why did you ignore my messages and calls? Why aren’t you staying at the dorms?”

HB “Was busy, no time”

BB “ too busy to return a phone call?”

HB “ well yes, in fact, I think I’m wasting some valuable time with you now too, you heard YG yourself, someone gotta work his ass off to write the songs, and that someone is obviously me, since you seem to care about other people careers rather than your own”

Bobby felt the blood drumming at his ears, every word Hanbin said kept aiming at his heart, and he could feel it bleeding. He managed somehow to keep a straight face. Why Hanbin thinks he doesn’t care about iKON?

BB “You know that’s not true, you never ask for my help with anything”

HB” I didn’t know I should ask your help to write a goddamn song for your own comeback?” Hanbin was pissed, his words were harsher, he didn’t care if Jiwon was older than him, didn’t care to keep the formalities

BB” Hanbin, you have always asked me during all this time, you wrote songs and asked me to write my rap and to give you a feedback, I thought since you didn’t tell me anything now it’s because you still need time to finish the songs.. I…” Hanbin didn’t let him finish, he knew it was in vain, Jiwon was completely oblivious to what hanbin’s was actually mad about.

HB” Is that why you go around writing songs for Hanna? Does she need them more than we do? Was she always your priority? WAS iKON EVER YOUR PRIORITY?”

Hanbin’s red hoodie reflected on his face; he was in a state of uncontrollable rage, eyes piercing and mouth dry. He was letting out his bottled up anxieties on Jiwon, both the stress from the comeback, YG’s pressure, and his unreasonable jealousy, were clouding his thoughts with anger.

Jiwon felt hanbin’s words kicking something deep inside him. He was washed with waves of regret, he felt sorry for not being so much of help to his leader, yet he somehow felt that Hanbin was being unfair, bringing up hanna in this.

BB “Why are you mad at me trying to help hanna? It’s not like I’m not willing to write songs for iKON too? I thought you’d want to help with her album too, I didn’t think you’d be such an ass about it”

HB “ You know what? Just save it Jiwon, I’m not going to get into this with you. You bring out the worst in me every time I talk to you”

Hanbin didn’t give Jiwon time to answer, exited the room slamming the door loudly. “ _More nights at Jaewon hyung’s then_ ” he sighed, heading to the older guy’s studio.

Jiwon was once again left behind, frustrated with all the questions running on his mind. _What did Hanbin mean? How come I bring out the worst in him?_

Jiwon knows very well that Hanbin tends to be rude and harsh when he gets angry, he did understand that he had a lot of pressure on him with all the hiatus threats YG has been throwing at them, but what he didn’t know was why he refused his help with everything and still blamed him for that. He also found him being upset about helping hanna out with her album absolutely unreasonable, especially since Hanbin was always the one to offer help to other artists with their songs.

Thinking how he fucked things up again while trying to fix them made Jiwon angrily curse himself kicking hanbin’s chair before fixing it and dropping his weight on it, he turned on the computer, trying to play some music to calm himself down.

A stupid smile formed on his lips when he realizes Hanbin never changed the password for his session. Still using the one they both set up for their very first computer they used for making music. He seemed to forget why he initially turned on the PC on, and just started going through hanbin’s music folder, a slight bit of guilt forming in his mind as he thought he shouldn’t be doing this. Clicking on different folders, Jiwon finally opened the music player and decided to listen to whatever Hanbin had worked on last from the app’s history.

With his headphones on, Jiwon leaned on the desk, eyes closed, he listened to hanbin’s voice, and that alone, seemed to brush away all the bitterness left in his heart.

///////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for putting up with this au's messy plot up until now, i'm keeping my updates shorts, up to 3k per chapter, i don't want it to get more boring huhu 
> 
> let me know your thoughts! ++
> 
> ps: i finally discovered how to format the text, it took me two weeks gsgsshsh xD (monologues are in italic, quotes in bold characters)


	6. Chapter 6

After the irritating conversation with Jiwon, Hanbin seemed to have calmed down a little, he tried remaining rational with his decisions although he was fed up with everything. Jiwon didn’t like him, it was a drunken mistake, the angry looks he had on when he saw him with Jaewon weren’t jealousy but disgust. Hanbin knew it was time for him to put an end to his long due crush. He got himself all the answers he needed; there was no place for hope, no more fantasies left. He finally decided to move on.

Thinking back about what YG has said to them, Hanbin felt his heart tightens at the shitty situation he got his team in. They were supposed to start another japan tour in a week. The mere thought of the endless flights back and forth from japan, the limitless scheduled fan meetings they have to do, the same old songs they were forced to perform again and again. Hanbin thinks it’s all his fault.

Well if it wasn’t for both his stupid heart and brain Hanbin would have been focusing on the more serious things, rather than his daydreaming about Jiwon. He sincerely feels awful; it made him hate himself for being selfish.

Finding Jaewon at his dorm, Hanbin went straight to him, throwing himself at his chest causing the older guy who was laying on couch to yelp in pain.

Jw “ YAA HANBIN, what are you? 3 yo? You almost killed me, and for your information you are very heavy for a baby at age!” 

Hanbin wrapped his arms around him, tears stinging his eyes, he’s been holding it in all day but now, feeling this safe with his hyung, he couldn’t control his tears anymore.

Jw “Ya… Hanbin… what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Jaewon didn’t know what was making the young rapper cry, but he could already take a guess.

Hanbin suddenly felt embarrassed, he’s been hugging jaewon’s naked torso for a few minutes, and he thinks it must be a very uncomfortable situation for both of them now. He calmed himself, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to make the last drops of tears blurring his vision disappear. Few sounds of hiccups still slipped his mouth.

Jw” HEY don’t you dare wipe your snot on my neck HANBIN… UGH DISGUSTING” Jaewon pushed him back to stare at his face.

Hanbin was already laughing at the older guy’s disgusted face, his eyes still slightly red and shiny with tears.

Jw “Damn Hanbin you still looks beautiful even like this, I can’t even scold you aishh” jaewon felt relieved seeing a smile forming on the youngr boy's face.

HB” what do you mean beautiful! I’m handsome hyung, all manly and handsome”, Hanbin wiped his eyes and playfully hit the older guy’s arm.

HB “Why are you always naked anyway, ugh it felt weird hugging you”

Jw” Well you know I wasn’t planning on getting any hugs when I stripped in my own safe place”

Hanbin snorted at his answer, he moved to the kitchen to get himself a drink.

Jw” I could use one too, please?” Jaewon’s eyes were following him around, he was still worried about him crying then pretending he was fine. Hanbin was always good at pretending.

When he got back, Jaewon was already in a sitting position, he patted the space next to him, motioning him to have a seat beside him. Hanbin willingly dropped his weight on the sofa, handing him the drink.

Jw” So, how are we supposed to explain what happened just a while ago?”

Hanbin’s eyes were still glinting with tears, he tried to divert his look as much as he could, focusing on the beer can in his hand.

HB” A tough day... I’m sorry I had a tough day”

Jw “hey cut the bullshit, why would you be sorry, tell me what’s wrong, hm?”

Hanbin looked up at jaewon’s eyes, he was moved with all the sincere worrisome in the older’s eyes, Hanbin knows jaewon cares about him a lot, so he at least deserved his honesty.

HB “ Well, our next japan tour starts next week, no comeback plans for as long as YG wishes, and yup, that, .. I talked a few things with Jiwon”

Jw “ Oh shit, man, I’m sorry, you’ve been working hard”

HB “no I wasn’t”

Jw” what do you mean, dude don’t look down on your efforts! I’ve seen you guys working so hard, all this time. I’m more placed to know the album decision is not entirely ours, it’s all up to YG, if he isn’t willing to, you can be writing hundreds of songs but he’ll reject them all, guess you’ve already seen me”

HB “I know that hyung, but still I wasn’t trying my best, I kept having stupid thoughts distracting me, and I’m not working on any music for a while now”

Jw ”by stupid thoughts you mean your precious, sincere, innocent and pure feelings you have for Jiwon? Don’t call that stupid, it’s your heart Hanbin, you can’t just program it to work the way you want” Hanbin simply nodded at his answer, a small faint smile forming on his face.

HB” I couldn’t program it before, that’s true, but now I’ve decided on ending everything hyung. When I called it stupid it’s because it is. I’ve been delusional about everything, I told you I talked things with Jiwon, it was all my imagination”

Hanbin tells Jaewon about him finding out how he misunderstood everything, talked to him about Jiwon writing songs for hanna, who is most likely jiwon’s love interest. However, he skipped on telling him about the kissing part, he still found it offending to be Bobby’s drunken mistake.

Jw” Man I thought he was into you, I don’t know, he could be straight and all, but the way he was angry at me the other day, I could sense he is so protective of you”

HB”it’s just him being Jiwon, he is like that with Donghyuk too”

Jw” no Hanbin, you should’ve seen him—“

HB” stop hyung, I’ve already made my mind, I’m ending it here. No more getting ahead of myself, and no more drama for you” Hanbin chuckled as he downed the remaining of his beer, before grabbing a new one.

Jw” well, if you are so sure, then I guess it’s for the better, at least you made a decision now”

HB” yeah, I’ve always been told I’ll end up alone anyway haha”

Jw “oh shut up, one must be blind to just let you go hanb—“ the older boy fell silent before finishing his sentence, he knew he shouldn’t have said that, it made things feel weird. He glanced at Hanbin, who didn’t seem to be fazed with what he said and was staring at his legs while still drinking.

Jw” I mean you’re a very nice person, you’re very handsome, and you’re the ideal type for so many fans, you shouldn’t doubt yourself”

Jaewon turned his gaze to see hanbin’s still looking at his legs, eyes slightly unfocused. “ _he must be drunk already...cute_ ” he thought.

Jw” Earth to Hanbin?! Dude what are you staring at?”

HB“How many tattoos do you have hyung?” Hanbin asked out of the blue.

Jw“What?” Jaewon asked, startled.

HB“Tattoos. I've seen the ones on your back, and all these on your arm, the ones on your ankles, I was just wondering if you have any more, and,” Hanbin slowly bit his lips, “Where they might be.”

Part of Jaewon wanted to laugh. Hanbin had just boldly admitted to spending a fair amount of time staring at his legs and thinking about what was hidden under his pants. To be honest, he would lie if he said he wasn’t turned on by that. 

Jw” Do you want my pants off too or what?” the older guy chuckled nervously

HB “hyuuuuuuung~~ show me your tattoos”

There he is, the annoyingly cute drunk Hanbin was already effortlessly melting jaewon’s heart. The older guy, approached him, flicking his forehead “you’re drunk Hanbinnie, go to sleep”

Jaewon resumed gulping the content of his third beer, when he felt Hanbin getting unexpectedly closer to him. He was starting to have a weird disturbingly warm feeling in his stomach and he wasn’t enjoying it. 

HB” woah hyung, your Adam's apple is so awesome, when you drink, your neck looks so hot” Hanbin was talking in such a cute tone, causing Jaewon to choke on his beer.

Jaewon started pushing him back to his place, when Hanbin, closed both his hands on the older's, slowly raising them to his face, his body was getting closer to jaewon’s, he was inches of being on top of him.

HB” aah~~so refreshing, your hands feel so nice hyung”

Jaewon was annoyed with the excessive teasing, shoved Hanbin back on the couch, throwing a blanket on him before standing up.

“You’re such a tease Hanbin, cut it out” the younger rapper chuckled at his words, obviously amused and aware of his playful act. He sure enjoys teasing his hyung.

Well Jaewon, wasn’t sure what he feels exactly about Hanbin. Their first meeting made him grow fond of the younger boy, he just felt warm at how Hanbin made him feel at ease, welcoming him in a place where everyone were strangers to him. He was both thankful and lucky to have made friends with him, Hanbin was after all YG’s genius songwriter and iKON's charismatic leader, he had so much to learn from him despite him being three years older than him.

He didn’t know when it started exactly, but each time Hanbin would drop by in his most casual looks, Jaewon had to remind himself he was straight, he just found the younger boy to be unfairly attractive, even for a man, hanbin was very charming.

And although Jaewon knew that girls were the only thing that got him hard, staring at the now showing tent that was forming in his pants, obviously caused by the teasing move Hanbin just made on him, he could not be so sure about him being straight anymore.

Emptying his fourth beer can, Jaewon kept watching the sleeping Hanbin, “ _adorable_ ” was the only word he could find to describe the sight. The younger boy kept shifting in his place, trying to find a more comfortable position in the tiny couch, a small pout forming on his lips, he was muttering a few incoherent words, his frown getting deeper, Jaewon heard bobby’s name escaping his mouth several times.

“You just can’t move on from someone you loved for a long time hanbin, it’s not that simple”, Jaewon’s own words were bitter at the tip of his tongue; more addressed to himself than to Hanbin, he wiped a lonely tear that had fallen down his cheek

///////

As the dates to their fan meetings were approaching, the seven boys were working so hard, practicing, and figuring out refreshing ideas to make the moments spent with their fans more special. Hanbin was splitting his time between practicing and writing songs in the studio, finally gaining some control on his brain, he was more focused on making their hiatus shorter than what was planned.

After getting many worried questions from the members about him not getting enough sleep, and especially not spending much time with them at the dorms, Hanbin tried dropping by every now and then to share a meal, take a shower, or discuss the tour’s details with the boys. He noticed how Jiwon didn’t push him into having any talk with him since that day, and he was thankful for that.

During this time, Jiwon was trying not to think too much about how awkward things got between him and Hanbin. Hanging out with Donghyuk and Jinhwan made him feel less lonely but at the same time ended up emphasizing hanbin’s absence even more. _Jiwon missed him so much._

Not being able to make out the reason behind jiwon’s empty stares following him around, Hanbin thought that avoiding the older rapper’s gaze was the right thing to do. He didn’t want to be weak, not now that he started mending the broken pieces of his heart.

Hanbin kept his interactions with Jiwon as neutral as possible, limiting the few exchanged words to the practice and fan meeting related topics. While he thought it would give him some peace and help him move on; Hanbin found himself only more focused on Bobby, and conscious of his every move. He internally cursed himself for being too observant. _Hanbin missed him so much._

///////

After calling it a day with the practice, Hanbin headed directly to Jaewon’s studio, finding Raesung was also there was perfect for him so he could finally get some feedback from the producer guy on a few songs he wrote.

The three of them were having fun making new beats, Hanbin was writing down lyrics to a song he has previously started but left unfinished while Jaewon was playfully hitting some chords on the keyboard.

HB “Raesungie could we make a beat that goes with these” Hanbin showed the lyrics he wrote to raesung, rising an eyebrow waiting for his reaction.

Rs “Hm yeah I think we can make it into something”, raesung held the paper in his hand, hitting the piano chords, creating a light upbeat that made the two other boys bob their heads to it.

HB “ that’s pretty nice hyung, let us work on it a little more”

Hanbin started recording the first verses of the song setting the rhythm he has played in his mind.

_**“We were in love,,** _  
_**We met and became a memory that can’t be erased,,** _  
_**It was a commendable melodrama,,** _  
_**A pretty good ending,,** _  
_**That’s all I need,,** _  
_**I loved you”** _

Jaewon closed his eyes as he was feeling the music and the lyrics Hanbin made, creating a conflicting yet a tuneful beat at the same time, he couldn’t help but smile widely at the satisfying result.

Hanbin finished recording another set of verses he has written, mixing it with the music raesung and Jaewon helped with. He was pleased with the final cheerful hip-hop vibe he came up with. The three of them replayed the song, content with the great results they made in such a short time.

After checking several other songs with him, raesung had to leave the studio to join the producing team, he promised Hanbin to give more time polishing the song’s production. 

Hanbin was left with Jaewon, both chilling as they smoked and ate their first ordered meal of the day.

Jw “ So, um, is this your farewell song to your crush?” Jaewon spoke with his mouth full, asking Hanbin with an amused expression.

HB” haha, you can say so, I can’t deny I wrote it about him, but not fully, just a few parts”

Jw” Well I can already tell which parts! what about Love me? It was about Jiwon, wasn’t it? It’s totally you whining about how he doen’t love you!!”

Hanbin choked on his food, kicking the older boy’s leg, he could not believe how long Jaewon would go on with his teasing, he was actually kind of annoyed by now. Jaewon’s laughter could be heard from afar.

Hanbin’s phone was buzzing with several received messages that were left unnoticed due to the loud rounds of chuckles Jaewon was having, enjoying his daily dose of turtoring hanbin.

Jiwon was done with practice by that time, decided to ask Hanbin if he needed his help with something. Still feeling bitter at his words from their last argument, Jiwon found Hanbin to be right; he has been neglecting his group’s duties. As a co-lyricist of all their albums it was true that Bobby was not really invested in helping Hanbin out writing new songs. n fact, he let himself get carried away as he tried helping hanna who has been asking him for a while, also wasting time lingering over his fights with Hanbin, and mostly lazying around. 

Knowing he is at fault, Jiwon wanted to make things right before they started their departing to japan, he knew once, they start their tour he would have less chances to discuss and work things out with hanbin, and even much lesser time to work on any music even if he want to.

The older rapper didn’t find Hanbin at his studio, grabbed his phone and texted him

BB“wassup Bin, can we meet up to write sum songs 2gether?”

BB”u can show me wut u got n ill add rap parts to it”

BB” I mean if u don’t mind workin” w/ me again bin”

Jiwon got used to his messages left unread by Hanbin over the last two weeks, but he didn’t let that affect him, “ _he is busy_ ” he reassured himself. Walking by the corridors of the building, Jiwon stopped by jaewon’s studio, trying to sneak a peek to see whether Hanbin was there. His current position brought the unpleasant memory of him watching the two boys laughing and cuddling.

And true to his thoughts, there they were, jaewon’s smiling face was such an irritating sight to him, seeing how Hanbin was mirroring it, his smile even wider, made jiwon’s heart ache with sourness.

“ _He stopped smiling like that whenever I’m around_ ”, jiwon’s brain replayed the words Hanbin spit at him at their last argument “ _ **you always bring out the worse in me**_ ” Jiwon felt his heart being ripped to pieces. 

He wondered if he should enter the room and still go forward with his plans with Hanbin or if he should just head back and decide to do it another day. Looking closer to the door Jiwon saw the two boys falling into a more serious mood. 

HB “You know the funny thing hyung, this song; I wrote it about Jiwon, do you know for how many songs, he was my only muse? You know even D&D was inspired by his stupid toothy smile, can you imagine loving someone this much? It’s ridiculous right?"

Jw “Oh please shut up, you’re ruining those good songs for me” Jaewon threw an arm around Hanbin, pulling at his head, making them both laugh at that.

HB “Aoutch hyung, this hurts haahah stop” Hanbin yelped as he struggled to dislodge jaewon’s grip on him.

“ _Aoutch, this definitely hurts_ ” Jiwon murmured to himself, an overwhelming feeling of anxiety began to eat away at his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to eliz, she made me realize i can't write angst, i can't hurt hanbin, i can't bear the thought of seeing him cry, rewatching the clip from climax performance had me sobbing while editing this whole draft ;-;
> 
> Also, I have a special weak spot for Onebin, to my jaewon, i'm sorry i'm being cruel to you, but please find happiness somewhere else, this is a db au ;-;
> 
> let me know your thoughts ?


	7. Chapter 7

The boys were finally getting ready for their japan tour, heading to airport, where their fans and fansites welcomed them. Having spent the whole night overwhelmed at the thought of the younger leader being in love with him all this time. Jiwon couldn’t trust himself being around Hanbin in public, afraid that even a mere brush of their shoulders would set him off, he was trying his best keeping a safe distance from him, walking beside Donghyuk and Jinhwan.

Bobby still watched as Hanbin sleepwalked his way to the boarding plane, heart aching at the exhaustion showing on the leader’s face; Hanbin was being too hard on himself. Jiwon knows how he was blaming himself for their possible hiatus, he also knew he was part of the distress Hanbin was going through; he hated himself for that.

Checking their assigned seats, Jiwon knew God was trolling him from up there, he was going to sit beside hanbin; a two hours flight couldn’t be more nerve wrecking.

Getting the window view, Jiwon thought it would be easier for him to divert his look from the sleeping boy next to him. Failing his own thoughts, he soon found himself staring at him, hanbin’s face was too relaxed, causing his head to slightly dropping down, bobbling from left to right, deep in his sleep. At times jiwon could even feel his head hitting his own shoulder, and his cheek pressing against his neck, it made his heart beat frantically, his breath hitching whenever the younger’s head moved against his skin.

He wrapped an arm around him pulling him to lean on him steadily, _it would make his sleep more comfortable_ , he thought. Jiwon found himself thinking about a lot of things, his brain suddenly seemed to get smarter, he started connecting the dots between all that happened to them during the past weeks.

Starting with how hurt and sad hanbin looked when he talked to him about the kiss, to how he reacted about him writing songs for hanna. It all made sense when he remembered the words he said to Jaewon from the previous night .. **_Can you imagine loving someone this much? It’s ridiculous right?._** A faint blush covered jiwon’s face, he was smiling at how indeed _ridiculous_ all of that was.

In fact, Jiwon was not that smart, he wasn’t in any way a psychic or a God, it took him a very long time to realize that all the blush on Hanbin's cheeks and the blinding smiles that formed on the leader’s face were all about him, for him, just him.

He bit the inside of his cheek as he remembered hanbin’s face when he drunk kissed him. He wishes he wasn’t much of an ass when he completely blacked out and forgot it happened. There were so many things Jiwon wanted to say to Hanbin, but all he could think about was reviving that scene once again, feeling him closer and meeting his luscious lips in a long passionate kiss.

Jiwon kept thinking about how he should now make things right, Hanbin did say he loves him, it should be alright for him to confess as well. The whole idea gave him chills down his spine, causing him to slightly shake. Hanbin opened his eyes and fixed his posture.

Hb “I’m sorry I fell asleep”

BB” um, it’s fine, you can go back to sleep, we still have an hour to go”

HB “I’m not sleepy anymore, I’m good”

BB “you do look tired, you haven’t been sleeping much, you should rest”

Hanbin simply hummed at the older guy’s words, closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. Jiwon thought the younger boy could never be any softer.

///////

As soon as the boys arrived to their hotel, they went straight to the restaurant to eat. Ordering some of their favourite Japanese dishes. They all were eating with so much appetite, considering how famished they were after their long hectic day.

Bobby was very content seeing Hanbin eat well, only picking at his own plate, he watched as Yunghyeong put food into the younger’s dish. He missed this, seeing Hanbin’s full cheeks lazily munching the food was warming his heart. Jiwon tried to mirror the older’s act, he took a large spoonful of his dish and motioned Hanbin to open his mouth.

Hanbin raised an eyebrow at him, eyes focused on the food, he opened his mouth to eat it, Jinhwan, Chanwoo and june were all staring at them.

BB “what? I’m full already! You can have my share” he was soon taking over Yunhyeong’s role, feeding Hanbin the rest of his plate, happily dancing inside, grinning at the way the younger was not rejecting him.

By the time Hanbin finished eating, he could feel his stomach almost bursting, whining to the older rapper about how much he has fed him, while trying to undo his pants buttons in order to help him breath more easily, gaining a round of laughter from the boys.

HB”hyung I ate so much I don’t think I can breathe, I need to exercise now, let’s take a walk!”

Jiwon was very surprised at the sudden request; he nodded enthusiastically. They both waked out of the restaurant heading down the streets for a convenience store, Hanbin was still craving something sweet

Jiwon felt his heart strangely warmed; he didn’t know if it was the pleasant autumn breeze, or the comforting silence that settled between him and Hanbin as they slowly walked down Osaka streets. He just wished those moments with him not leaving his side lasted forever.

Hanbin on the other hand seemed to fight inner battles, head in the clouds; he was having endless monologues about how he should make things normal again with Jiwon. He knew he had crossed limits with his harsh words at their last fight and wanted to apologize to the older rapper.

HB “Hyung.. You know..”

Before he could finish his sentence, Jiwon happened to beat him to it

BB “Hanbin, I want to apologize to you.. If I ever made you feel like you’re alone in this, I’m sorry I haven’t been paying much attention. I’m sorry I have been selfish and I know I should put our group first, I’m sorry you are bearing all the responsibility on your own, I promise I’ll be here for you from now on, you can always lean on me”

Hanbin had stopped walking, and listened to Jiwon as he talked, he had to fight the drops of tears that were already forming in his eyes, he could feel how the older was sincere through his deep shaking voice.

HB “ No Bobby, I know it was never your attention to do that, I’m sorry you had to hear all those harsh words from me, I feel so bad for taking my anger out on you .. I..”

BB “I know, you are taking all our team’s responsibility on your shoulder, I know you should be too stressed out by now. It’s okay Hanbin, I’m the one who’s sorry… always.”

As if Jiwon’s words had some mystically healing effect, Hanbin felt the shattered pieces of his heart slowly being put back together. He smiled at Jiwon, and the latter returned it just as warmly.

BB “you know it saddens me a lot to have you mad at me, I can’t bear the thought of you being upset because of something I did, I hope you forgive me now, hm?”

HB “oh come on hyung, I have nothing to forgive, we were both angry talking, you know I never meant any of what I said right?”

BB “Well you did say I bring out the worse in you, haha that kinda hurt, do I though?”

HB “I’m truly the worst hyung, I don’t know how the words slipped out of my mouth, you know I could never mean them” Hanbin reached for jiwon’s arm, lightly squeezing it, he gave him a puppy eyed look.

BB “ haahah, alright alright don’t go all cute on me now”

HB “ _but I’m not acting cute_ ” Jiwon immediately wrapped his arm around the younger’s neck playfully squashing it to his chest as he chuckled

BB “You brat can easily melt a man’s heart being this cute!!”

Hanbin laughed as he wrapped his arms around Jiwon pulling him into a tight hug.

It was barely for a few seconds that their bodies were pressed together, but the loud thumps of their racing hearts beating erratically, made the two of them blush as they separated. Jiwon scratched at the back of his head, too nervous to look straight at hanbin’s eyes.

BB “Guess we’re good now?”

HB “um” Hanbin seemed to lose his ability to speak, he was grateful for the night’s dim lights that let his flushed face go unnoticed. Jiwon reached for his hand, holding it, giving it a small squeeze.

BB “let’s get back now, you need to rest before tomorrow’s show”

Hanbin stared at their hands held together; his heart skipped a beat as he looked up at jiwon’s toothy smile. And fuck, if Hanbin ever wanted to move on from _this_ , his plans could all go to hell now.

The feelings he has so hardly tried to suppress were all surfacing now, Hanbin felt weak, defenseless, his soul was all set for Jiwon to take over it, just as he always have.

///////

On their way back to the hotel, the two boys talked about all the songs Hanbin been working on, discussing the little details of their _hopefully_ soon comeback. Jiwon was listening intently, smiling internally as he already have listened to some of hanbin’s recent songs the other day.

Being the usual petty worthless company, YG had insisted on minimizing the boy’s budget for the tour. On top of not having any background dancers for their shows, no MC to animate the fan meetings, the boys were also obliged to stay at not-so-very luxury hotel, and were meant to share double rooms for their whole stay.

Jiwon and hanbin were set to share a double room with two single beds, the two boys were not unhappy with the idea.

As they entered the room, Hanbin went straight to shower, while Jiwon opened a bag of chips to eat, scrolling down his phone. Feeling restless, he went to search for a something to drink.

Jiwon knows he is being ridiculous, it was not the first time he would sleep in one room with Hanbin, but the building excitement in his body had a different saying. His eyes followed Hanbin’s every tiny move, as he walked out the shower, hair still wet, a large tank top that wasn’t hiding very much of his pale firm muscles, Jiwon gulped down his drink to ease the thirst that took over his body.

HB “Hyung do you not plan on going to sleep? Can we please have the lights off”

BB “ah yeah, I’ll turn it off in a little” Jiwon left his chips and drink abandoned and headed to the shower to brush his teeth. He returned to find Hanbin already under his bed cover, his toes slightly curled. He walked over to his bed, and sit on the edge, with heart eyes, he kept staring at the sleeping boy. _Jiwon was in love._

He tried to lightly straighten hanbin’s toes and cover his feet as he approached the younger’s face, he felt his heart fluttering, his hand slowly reached for the boy’s soft locks, gently caressing them. Resisting the urge to brush his fingers along hanbin’s soft skin, Jiwon mouthed a small hushed _good night_ to him before tiptoeing to his own bed.

///////

The first day of the tour went just as perfect as the leader has planned it; despite feeling euphoric, excited, and exhausted, altogether, the boys were so happy to witness their beloved fans share the precious moments with them.

Enjoying every song, and every beat, and feeling grateful for everything, Hanbin sit down on stage, contemplating and capturing the very small details. He loved looking at his fans, and seeing the excitement his music was delivering to them, truly brought him endless joy.

He looked at the rest of the members one by one, following their crazy moves, his eyes landing on the most chaotic one among them, laughing at how Jiwon was splashing water all over the fans cameras, and quickly apologizing for it, all toothy smile and half-moon eyes. _What an idiot, I want to see him this happy forever._

After their show was over, the boys were getting their makeup removed, being the last ones to go, Hanbin flopped next Jiwon’s seat on the sofa. The latter was busy with his phone, texting. Seeing Hanbin sit next to him he quickly dismissed the chat.

Hanbin’s eyes were faster, he saw who Jiwon was texting, his heart took a strong pang refreshing the pain he already experienced. _Right, Hanna is still the one jiwon likes,_ Hanbin had to remind himself of that.

HB “You still working on hanna’s song?”

Bobby was taken back with hanbin’s question, his eyes widened as he looked up to hanbin’s.

BB “um, yeah, almost done with it”

HB “you can let me see it if you want, I’ll help you out”

BB “oh seriously? that’ll be awesome Hanbin, thank you”

Jiwon looked at hanbin’s eyes, he noticed how his words were so forced. He knows he was not genuine with his offer. Jiwon thinks Hanbin looked extra cute when jealous. 

BB “You know I’ll be meeting hanna once we get back to Korea, we need to record the first demo version” Jiwon watched hanbin’s hands tightening into fists, and his eyes going darker. He was secretly happy seeing him getting easily triggered.

BB ”We will be hanging out for a while too, do you want to join us?” Jiwon still wanted to be a little more cruel.

Hanbin’s nails were already digging holes into his palm. He looked at Jiwon before scoffing at his question

HB “Why would I? I don’t want to disturb your date hyung”

Jiwon was fighting the urge to burst out laughing, he seriously thought of kissing Hanbin right then, he was being too cute.

BB “well if you put it like that, haha yeah”

Hanbin’s face immediately sunk into darkness, his eyes were already tearing up, he felt his heart burning, all his theories were confirmed now, Jiwon didn’t deny he was going out on dates with hanna, it was real. He looked up at Chanwoo who was waiting for his turn to remove his makeup, and stood up walking over to him.

HB “Chanwooyah, I’ll be going first, I need to head out right after” the maknae nodded at him, and let him settle on the chair.

He was soon going out, lightning a cigarette to smoke in hope to subside the anger that built inside him; he was feeling weak, once again. _When will all this be over? When can I get rid of these sickening feelings?_

Instead of going back to the hotel, Hanbin spent the whole evening roaming the streets in Osaka, wearing his mask and his cap, he seriously needed some fresh air.

///////

Seeing Hanbin act like this, Jiwon felt a wave of anxiety building up in his stomach, he thought maybe he has taken things too far with his teasing, Hanbin looked really angry, and so done with him.

As the hours passed, the older rapper kept himself busy playing video games with Chanwoo and Donghyuk; he couldn’t help checking the time every now and then, going back and forth from the maknaes room to their shared one, checking if Hanbin was back yet.

Cw “Hyuung, would you please sit down a little and focus on the game, we are losing” hearing DK’s chuckles, Chanwoo was pissed “remind me again why did I choose to team up with you, ugh”

Jiwon was too distracted to pay any attention to the younger’s nagging. He picked up his phone and texted Hanbin.

Ten minutes later, there was still no answer from Hanbin, Jiwon decided to call him. Yunhyeong picked up the line instead.

Yh “Hello, Bobbya, this is me, Hanbinnie is kinda passed out right now, he said he wanted to go for a walk with me, we ended up going to this bar for some drinks” Jiwon was surprised upon hearing the older guy’s voice;

BB “yea, hello hyung, did he drink so much alcohol? We have a show tomorrow though..”

Yh “well you know him, he blacked out after his second glass of beer, I tried to stop him, but he said he wanted some bad thoughts off his head, so I let him be”

BB “ok hyung, you bring him back safe, I’ll call max hyung to help you”

Jiwon heard hanbin’s whining voice through the phone.

Yh “don’t worry I already took care of that---aish Hanbin stop clinging to me—aish that’s my neck noo, aishhh this boy”

Jiwon could feel his face heating up, he was not pleased with the fact that Hanbin was clinging onto someone else, he wanted to run over to them and bring Hanbin back safe in his arms. _Idiot_ , he cursed himself; upsetting Hanbin like this was his brilliant idea after all.

It was past midnight when the manager tossed Hanbin in his bed, removing his shoes with a heavy sigh

“I can’t believe you guys, drinking the day before your show. How do you think his voice will be tomorrow?” the manager glared at Yunghyeong. 

Yh “well don’t look at me hyung, I’m not the one who forced him to drink, he seemed to be having a hard time anyway, it helped him relax a little, besides he’s rapper hyung, it’s not gonna affect his performance ”

The manager scoffed at Song’s answer, “whatever, you guys will never stop giving me a headache, go to sleep you’ll have to wake up early”. Yunhyeong nodded at him, and they were both exiting the room.

All this while Jiwon was removing hanbin’s belt, helping him out of his jeans, and socks. He was feeling guilty for being the reason the younger was completely drunk and would probably face the worst hangover tomorrow.

And it was true, the next morning hanbin woke up with a dull headache, it was the worst of all. He barely crawled out of his bed, to reach for some pain killers, when he heard Jiwon stir and turn around to face him.

BB “You up Bin? How are you feeling?”

Hanbin nodded at Jiwon, hands grabbing his head, he flinched as his movement caused the pain to worsen. He thought taking a hot shower would at least make him feel human again.

Yh “Wow Hanbin you really look like the dead” Yunghyeong was fast to comment on the young leader’s face, they were all taking their seats in the van heading toward their rehearsal.

HB “Yes hyung that’s kinda my concept for the day.” Hanbin answered him sarcastically. 

Hanbin was sick of it, yes it was already tiring at this point, him trying to ignore jiwon’s existence, to resist giving up to the wild smile the old rapper was giving him. It took all his might not to react to jiwon’s playful winks, rapping his verses while staring at him.

He has decided once again to reduce the time spent with the older, to control himself and his need for skinship. Always reminding himself of how Jiwon said he hated it when he touches him, Hanbin diverted his clinginess to the two older boys. Sometimes leaning onto Jinhwan's shoulder, or hugging Yunhyeong from behind. He was slowly getting there, forgetting the comfort of Jiwon’s touch.

It would be a blunt lie to say that Hanbin wasn’t making it very obvious that he was avoiding Jiwon; Everyone could notice how he’s run first to the van in order to get the single front seat, and how he utterly skipped on correcting any of jiwon’s plain mistakes during the dance rehearsal.

Jiwon wasn’t taking it as bad as before, he didn’t know the reason why Hanbin was so cold to him but he kind of guessed the reason behind it. It was after they finished three of their songs that they decided to take a break. Jiwon approached Hanbin suddenly, causing the latter to trip over the thin air.

BB “Bin, can I have a word with you?” Jiwon was still holding a towel wiping off his sweat.

HB “what is it?”

Jiwon motioned for him to follow him to the closest dressing room backstage.

Hanbin was the first one to speak, too nervous to wait for the older guy

HB “what is it Jiwon? We don’t have time now”

BB “Hanbin I noticed you’re avoiding me again, are you mad at me for something i did?”

Hanbin fell silent before he replied, “I’m not mad at you”

BB "Then why the cold shoulder?"

HB "Just not feeling good." Hanbin replied coldly.

Jiwon was not buying it; he let a loud snort, mocking hanbin’s words.

BB "Stop pretending around me Hanbin, I know how you feel, you’re doing it for a reason"

HB “what are you hyung? A psychic? You don’t know shit” He has finally pushed Hanbin’s buttons again, he knew he had to back down a little. He tried to speak in a calm and composed way.

BB “yes I don’t know, so you tell me, is it about the group? Do you still worry about our comeback? I mean we talked this over and over hanbin, you know I’m trying my best right?”

HB “I don’t even know what is it about Jiwon, I’m just not at a good place right now, okay?”

BB “but you only act like this around me, you’re only ignoring me and not the others. Your problem is with me”

Hanbin’s mouth kept opening and closing, looking for something to say. Jiwon took a step closer to him.

BB “This is about something else right?”

HB “What?”

Bobby stepped in even closer, he was an inch from hanbin’s face, he sighed.

BB “You can tell me how you feel Bin” his voice came as a soft whisper to hanbin’s ears, it made chills run down his spine.

In what appeared to be nanoseconds, Hanbin’s pale face took an instant fiery shade of crimson, Jiwon was losing his sanity, it was just so damn hard to hold back from kissing the life out of the younger's shy face.

Feeling his breath hitch even harder, Hanbin tried to take step back, his back hitting the door, he was trapped.

Jiwon leaned forward closing the small gap that was left, his face resting on hanbin’s shoulder, he mouthed at his ear “it hurts Bin, it hurts when you ignore me like this”

Jiwon's voice was low, he sounded like a hurt puppy, it made hanbin's heart swell. The thin tank top he was wearing didn’t help, his heartbeat was creating a loud tantrum.

HB “W-what are you talking about? I Don’t- I mean, I didn’t- I- I just, I-I,” Hanbin was flustered beyond words, continued to stutter.

The two boys weren’t able to finish their talk, a knock on the door jolted them out of their moment.

BB “let’s resume our talk after the show, tonight” Jiwon opened the door, to join the rest of the boys.

_What the fuck?,_ Brain short-circuited, Hanbin took a long deep breath, he exited the room and followed the older with shaking knees. 

///////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for interacting with this au so far. 
> 
> It'll come to an end soon, two or three chapters left, it will be doubleB's time to shine. 
> 
> Also, jiwon is an idiot. Just because.


	8. Chapter 8

Hanbin hates to admit it, but the afternoon concert they just had was the worst performance the young rapper had ever given to his fans. As he kept messing up the lyrics, confusing both the Japanese and the Korean versions of the songs, slipping on the floor and dropping his microphone multiple times, Hanbin was lucky his fans were very fond of him and actually found his clumsiness to be cute, they were all hyping it with rounds of screams and Konbat cheers.

The young leader was completely absorbed in his thoughts; his brain endlessly replaying Jiwon’s words. He was questioning what caused the older to act the way he acted, and to say the words he said to him. He was nervous about their planned conversation, whether it will will lead them to something, or if he will just end up hurting himself with his unreasonable expectations. He could be seeing things, but Hanbin somehow cannot forget the sincere look in Jiwon’s eyes as he told him that his neglecting and cold behavior is hurting him.

Jiwon was facing just as much confusion on his side, seeing how Hanbin completely refused to tell him whatever reasons he had, he somehow started fearing that the younger may never want to bring up his feelings for him. He thought that forcing out a confession from him was not the right thing to do.

Not skipping any detail about the young rapper’s moves, Jiwon could see just how much nervous Hanbin was; he was not being his normal self. Bobby felt bad about it. Thinking about how he should end all the confusion between their mutual feelings, he replayed a hundred scenarios in his mind, picturing how he should face Hanbin and resume their unfinished talk.

With everyone deciding on having dinner out, Hanbin found it to be relieving not to go back to the hotel room right away. He even thought that taking a walk afterwards would save him more time, to be honest he wasn’t ready to face Jiwon alone yet. 

It's a little after midnight when Hanbin had no choice but to return, entering the room, the squeak of his shoes was the only thing that broke the weighting silence.

"Hi," Hanbin said with a small voice.

Bobby was laying down on his bed, fingers tapping on the sheets, wearing his headphones; Hanbin thought he was listening to music, when he suddenly got up.

"Hi," Bobby responded, “wait up a little” he headed out to the room’s veranda. Hanbin realized he was on a phone talk. 

He had already removed his shoes when he noticed him back in the room.

“Hanbin,” Bobby said, his low voice immediately had the younger’s shoulders straighten, _this is it, he is bringing it up again._ Hanbin almost screamed inside.

“Come on, Bin. Let’s talk it out.”  
  


Hanbin had the made up speech from his overthinking session play in his brain, messing up with his head, doubling the anxiety wave that was washing over him. He finally managed to get a hold of his thoughts "There's nothing to talk about, hyung" he snapped.

Jiwon felt the air in his lungs tightens, _not a good start,_ he thinks _._ He watched as Hanbin started changing his clothes, walking to the bathroom, ignoring him. He hated this.

“Well um, on the phone, it was my father, he called to check on me, he said he watched clips of our concert on Youtube today haha” 

Hanbin nodded at him, eyes staring blankly, he found it weird that Jiwon was explaining about his phone call, it’s not like he asked him about it.

“Just so you won’t think it’s someone else..” Jiwon talked in a small voice, looking at the younger’s eyes, _he was going to do it, he was going to bring it up. It was about time,_ a tiny little voice cheering up for him inside

“hein?”

“It wasn’t a call from Hanna, I don’t talk to her unless it’s about her album, I wanted you to know” Jiwon explained himself in the most composed way. “Hanna and I are only friends”

“Wait, hein? Why are you telling me this?” Hanbin tried to act as he was unaffected by the new information

“Well umm If what I’ve been thinking until now is right, it appears to be you were jealous about me talking to hanna, and working on her songs… me going out with her, you hate it right?”

“Bobby, I think there is something you misunderstood here, I don’t care about you talking to hanna, or working with her on songs. You can do whatever the hell you want, I only brought her up because you seemed to not care about our comeback album, so please don’t be silly”

Jiwon was surprised at how calmly Hanbin talked, he almost wanted to turn it to joke, but something in him told him it was _now_ or _never_. He thought that forcing him to admit his jealousy was just going to make things more messy. The younger boy wasn’t planning on giving in to him that easily

“So, you’re saying you’re not jealous.. um… I think I went far with my thoughts”

“Why would you even think that in the first place? I’m not supposed to take any interest in your dating life, and I don’t even like Hanna noona, so your assumptions are plain stupid hyung” Hanbin scoffed as if he had just been told the silliest thing.

“Well, you know, I thought you were jealous of her… I mean I th--thought because you l-like me, you may be jealous I spent time with her”

Jiwon didn’t know where his courage finally came from, he thought of continuing but the looks on Hanbin got him worried. The younger’s eyes were widely open in shock, beams of sweat were already forming on his forehead, with a creepy smile of both shock and denial. His overall expression was just unreadable to Jiwon.

“What? Hahah, hyung, you’re kidding right? Hhah are you okay? Do you have a fever? This is the kind of nonsense you say when you’re high on adrenaline, you should go get a rest hyung”

Hanbin playing the ignorant card was not a very good time, because Jiwon was already tired of beating around the bush, eyes fixing the younger’s, he tried to keep his tone light, as he approached his side of the bed.

“Don’t try lying to me, I’ve been keeping an eye on you Hanbin. You're never more than an inch from me; you're always staring and smiling at me, the way you love to touch me, I know you like me, you even wrote songs for me, so just-- please admit it.”

The mood filling the room suddenly took a drastic change, the words hastly attacking Hanbin’s brain, instantly recharging him;

“What? No, I mean, how-how did you know? Did you know all this time? What about you? I mean, I know you don’t like me, but why aren’t you rejecting me now? Jiwon?… ”

At first Jiwon thought he would see Hanbin go speechless, too shocked to react or talk. To his surprise, Hanbin didn’t shut up. His mouth spitting dozens of questions at once

“Hey Bin, breathe! You don’t know how I feel, you are assuming things again” Jiwon snapped.

“Jiwon, tell me this is not some sick joke ...”

“I know you’ve had those feelings all along Hanbin, I happened to know when I heard you talking to Jaewon the other day, I honestly was shocked at first…”

“Oh, shocked right..”

Jiwon approached Hanbin, he pulled up his chin to look him straight in the eyes.

“Why can’t you ever let me finish? my brain is not as smart as yours Bin, let me talk, please?”

Hanbin gulped, drowning in the rush of anxiety that was filling him, he nodded slowly at the older, waiting for him to finish

“Hanbin I have always loved you since the start, I can’t remember when I stopped seeing you as the whiny little brother you were to me, I started liking you ever since our debut, I only had eyes for you, you were the one to steal my heart all along”

Hanbin suddenly took a step back and hid his face, both his hands were rubbing at his eyes. He could not believe it, not even in his wildest dreams he pictured he would have Jiwon confessing to him first, saying how he fell in love with him first.

“I admit I was hiding it all this time but I honestly was planning to wait. I… I first wanted to gain some confidence, to get to know if you feel same about me, that you find our bond to be special too, I was waiting to build myself into a man who deserved you, to be that someone strong and courageous who would continue being by your side and protect you I--”

A part of Jiwon wanted to keep talking, to take all the heavy feelings off his chest, but at the same time a part of him wanted to hear what the younger thought about this.

Hanbin on the other hand was feeling lightheaded, completely detached from reality; his brain was unusually slowly processing what was happening. In fact, he had always imagined and played a great many scenarios in his mind where he would be the one doing the confession thing. On his lucky days, his brain would agree to grant him a positive answer from Jiwon, but on most of the other times he was faced with bitter rejections.

Snapping back to the present, Hanbin realized that whatever those scenarios meant, they were just dreams, unlike now, what he just heard was real, he was facing Jiwon; he was on the receiving end of the confession.

He took a long breath, and looked up at the older rapper who seemed to start fidgeting in his place; he was waiting for the younger’s reaction.

“Jiwon I’m- I love you so much. I have always loved you. I can’t recall since when it started, and I never knew until I was falling for you completely, I can’t believe you are reciprocating my feelings now”

Jiwon was in tears, he turned his head facing the wall in embarrassment; he knew that he had been holding it for way too long but he still hated his body for betraying him like this.

Hanbin approached him with warm hazy eyes. He let his hand cup his cheek, gently sliding his thumb down his chin, watching him shiver. Jiwon immediately leaned in to the touch, mirroring the younger’s move, holding Hanbin’s face closer. 

“Hanbin, can I kiss you?” The older boy’s voice came in a husky whisper, causing the younger’s heart to skip a beat, looking at him intently, Hanbin flashed him one of his most endearing smiles

“What do you think?” He suddenly seemed to forget about his overflowing emotions. Leaning even closer, he brushed his lips against the older’s, inviting him to claim them. Taking a slow step back, he flicked his tongue, biting on his lower lips, staring right at Jiwon’s mouth.

“I’m afraid we only have the rest of the night hyung, we waited for so l--”. Before he could finish his sentence, Jiwon was faster, meeting his mouth in a devouring kiss, shoving his body down the bed. 

Hanbin pressed his lips against Jiwon’s even harder, hands messily caressing him, kissing him as if he was touch deprived for a long time. The older returning each kiss with just as much passion, biting at the younger’s plump lips; their teeth shortly clacking together, making both of them snort in laughter.

When Hanbin pulled back to breathe, looking up at bobby’s eyes, he realized just how much silly the both of them must be to deny what they had.

“This is exactly where I want to be Ji, now, and forever” he resumed their kiss wirh Jiwon pushing him farther on the bed.

They only had the rest of the night, and they had to make the best out of it. 

Feeling Hanbin’s hands running all over his body, both on his back and teasing the waistband of his pants, Jiwon couldn’t help but groan. Slowing the kiss down, Bobby pulled back cupping hanbin’s cheeks in his palm, smiling softly at his pouting face. “Tell me about the songs you wrote for me”

Hanbin wasn’t ready for the older’s request, tipped his head back and let out a disappointed groan “now where does this come from?”

Jiwon chuckled, he kissed down on hanbin’s neck, leaving sloppy kisses on his jaw up to his earlobe “I’m just still stunned, how I could be your muse all this time Bin” He continued biting on the sensitive skin there, aiming to make Hanbin spill all the truth.

“Well, aahh- I’—Ji, if you want me to talk at least st-o-op what you’re doing” Hanbin’s breathe was already ragged, he didn’t meant to tell Jiwon to stop, but he felt it was necessary, his head was already clouded with excitement.

Jiwon stopped; he lifted his head to look down at hanbin’s eyes, loving the way his eyes were brimming with delight, he kissed him one last time, softly on the lips before he flipped on his back, straightening his arm, as an invitation for the younger to lay his head on his chest.

When Hanbin granted the older guy’s request, leaning on the firm muscles, Jiwon was humming a song which he recently discovered in the young leader's demo folder.

“ ** _Everything, to me you are  
Everything everything”_**

Hanbin jumped from the bed into a sitting position, startling Jiwon

“Where did you hear that??”

The older rapper chuckled, hiding his face with his hand, he just seemed to realize how embarrassing it was to tell Hanbin he had actually gone through his stuff “um, I’m sorry, the other day when you left the studio, I wanted to still hear your voice, I needed to calm down, I went through the demos you made, and I just loved Everything”

Hanbin was in no position to be mad at him, he turned his head slightly facing the other side, he needed to fight the stupid smile he had on his face

“And I was thinking you never cared about our album tssk”

Jiwon returned his smile just as fondly, pulling him back to his hold.

The two boys continued talking, not realizing how quickly time was slipping, Hanbin could see the dim light of dawn that was creeping up the sky.

///////

It was past nine in the morning when Hanbin opened his eyes. Experiencing a mini heart attack as he felt his back pressed to Jiwon’s chest; the younger boy had to retrace the last night events one by one to fully be aware he was not dreaming; him waking up to bobby’s soft breath on his nape, it just felt _unreal_.

He turned around to wake Jiwon for their rehearsal session, taking a look at how slightly the older’s forehead was frowning, he understood he didn’t want to wake up yet.

Hanbin got on his feet, headed to the bathroom to get ready to come back ten minutes later finding Bobby was still sleeping

“Kimbap we’re late for rehearsals, wake up!”

He heard the older stirs in his bed, disturbed by the strong lightning, he flipped around to hide his face under the pillow.

“Tssk, I’m letting you sleep in today, guess you’re earning some points by being my--” Hanbin wanted to finish the word but he still wasn’t sure if the last night messy confessions gives him that title just yet.

He glanced one more time at the sleepy boy and left the room to join the rest of the boys.

On their ride to the stage Hanbin took a seat in the back of the car, looking up from the window view; it was a beautiful day, sunny but still not too warm, small clouds lazily crossing the sky hiding it from time to time. His heart suddenly feeling light, the young leader knew it could be weather, or the boys’ cheerful laughter in the van, but something deep inside told him none of that was the reason. A silly smile splitting his face, cheeks sheepishly flushed; it was hard for him not to recall the last night’s events. _He missed Jiwon already_ ,

Picking his notebook, looking at the chords and unfinished verses he had previously written on the page. _Just when I thought I was gonna write another sad song,_ he sighed, almost feeling silly as he recalled the pain he was going through just a day ago.

**_Our landscape's color starts to fade and  
I'm waking up from a terribly beautiful dream  
  
If I can’t reminisce you as my everything  
Then leave me a piece of you that I can’t forget  
  
Whispering promises and staying up all night  
I hope you remember that day_ **

///////

It’s not until three hours had passed that Jiwon finally woke up, feeling refreshed, making up for all his lost sleep finally granted him some enegry. Taking a look at his phone, he got up startled as he realized he had skipped their morning rehearsal. Calling both their managers and Hanbin to apology, before he joined them straight to their location, just on time for their afternoon concert.

After their two hours show, and their high touch event, Hanbin and Jiwon both returned exhausted to their room. Deciding a shower would help with his tense muscles, Jiwon entered the bathroom.

He had just realized how light headed he felt, after finally confessing his feelings, Hanbin didn't reject him, they were really a thing by now. Jiwon couldn't take the younger off his mind even for a split of a second. He couldn't be happier, after all these years, Hanbin has become his, only his.

The hot steam of water was indeed helping Jiwon with the pain, regretting skipping the warm up sessions before the concert, he let out a series of whimpers as he spread soap all over his thighs and legs, the stiffness in his back making it harder.

Hanbin was already preparing his clothes to take his own shower after him, hearing Jiwon's whimpering he felt bad for him. 

"Hyung, do you need any help?"

Bobby was startled with the younger's voice so close; he turned off the water and screamed

"NO IM OKAY, DONT COME IN"

Hanbin chuckled, as he got in closer to the glass door, he looked at Jiwon who had his back turned.

"Chill hyung, no need to scream I heard you haha"

"Aishh, I told you don’t come in, leave now, let me finish first"

"but I'm not seeing anything hyung, the steam is all over the door, I can barely make out your standing figure"

Hanbin was obviously lying, since from where he stood, the view was already more than great. He watched as Jiwon's blurry naked body moved under the water, the older was washing his hair, his arms and biceps were flexed, Hanbin's looks were going lower and lower, getting a full view of Jiwon's firm ass and gorgeous thighs.

It was getting too dangerous for him now; Hanbin was biting his lips, his head already getting fuzzy. He blamed the bathroom’s heat.

Going back to the bed, Hanbin suddenly felt a pang of anxiety kicking his insides. Just like Jiwon, he has now come to full realization. The two of them were finally official now; Things were going to be different between them, Jiwon was _his_ _boyfriend_.

As soon as Bobby got out of the bathroom, Hanbin didn’t waste time and went straight to take his own.

Ten minutes later, the young rapper nervously stepped out of the shower, hair still wet, cheeks slightly reddish from the hot water. He was wearing a loose tank top with baggy shorts. Jiwon thought he looked like a perfect cuddle material.

Walking to the bed while drying his hair, Hanbin looked up to Jiwon who was laying on his stomach, face on his arm.

"Still in pain?"

“Yes, a little, my leg muscles are killing me”

Hanbin hesitated a little before approaching the older guy, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Do-do you want me to help? I can give you a light massage, to ease the stiffening..”

Bobby stared at him shortly before flashing him a big toothy smile. “If you want to, yeah” he said shyly.

Hanbin quickly had his legs jumping on the bed, pushing Jiwon aside to fit in the center, he settled between his legs, the older still had his head laid on his arms.

“Relax, I’ll massage your legs a little, do you have any lotion you use?”

Jiwon shook his head, Hanbin knew he wasn’t a fan of applying creams and lotions on his skin. He lets out a loud sigh and got up to his bag to search for a lavender oil bottle he had picked up at his mother’s perfumery. 

“I use this for my bath, it really helps relaxing the muscles, want to try it?  
  
Hanbin didn’t need to ask him though, Bobby was already all spread, waggling his legs in the air for him. It made the younger chuckle.

“I’m only doing this for today; don’t like it too much okay? haha”

Hanbin settled himself back between the older’s opened legs, warming the lavender oil between his two hands before he started to slowly apply it, his fingers were running up and down Jiwon’s legs, making sure all the soft skin was covered in the calming scented oil.

He heard Jiwon letting out soft sighs, already loving whatever magic the skilled fingers were doing to him ! Hanbin started dragging his hands up slowly to the older’s thighs, applying just enough pressure to sooth the stiffened muscles.

“HANBIN, You’re SO GOOD at this” Jiwon was already relaxing to the younger’s touch.

“Hahah I said don’t get used to it! this is a once time thing!! And don’t tell Yunhyeong, he will come at my neck asking for my skilled hands”

“Why the hell would I tell anyone? Only I gets to enjoy this!”

Hanbin had a faint blush covering his cheeks, he loved to hear Jiwon claiming him as his, it made his heart flutter.

“Next time learn how not to sleep in for your warm up sessions”, he playfully pinched at the older’s skin

He continued to knead the older’s skin, calmly easing his fingers to the gap between his thighs, causing him to jerk at the sudden feeling.

“that’s ticklish Hanbin, keep it just below...please” Hanbin was grinning at the way he made the older boy react, he held his two legs up and motioned for him to turn over.

“Wanna massage the front side too?”

Jiwon sensed the warmth of the scented oil soothing the pain, he immediately complied with Hanbin’s move, flipping over to lay on his back, making eye contact, he noticed Hanbin was smirking. 

“Dude you’re making it look weird with that face of yours”

Hanbin chuckled as he started pouring the oil on his hands, meticulously massaging Jiwon’s legs just the same way. Hearing the older’s muffled sighs, with his arm hiding his face and mouth slightly open; Hanbin started feeling his face heating up as he watched the older reacting to his touch.

“Hyung do you like _this_?” he spoke slowly, making sure to trace the older's thighs with every word.

Bobby’s answer wasn’t needed, all Hanbin had to do is stare at the way the older’s breath ragged, and at the obvious tent growing in his boxers.

“You’re really making this really hard not to like it Bin, it’s-- perfect-Ahh”

Hanbin moved his hands from Jiwon’s legs to his inner thighs, drawing long torturing circles; he raised an eyebrow as he watched Jiwon vibrating under his touch.

“I’m making it hard? How hard Kimbap?”

Jiwon felt something inside him shake, asHanbin’s hands kept caressing his hot tingling skin, teasing him just near his growing bulge. He removed his arm from his face to make eye contact with a smirking Hanbin. Lifting himself up to a half sitting position, he grabbed the younger’s hand, guiding it to his already rock hard erection.

“This hard” he breathed, his other hand ran through the back of Hanbin’s neck pulling him in a long needy kiss.

Not removing his hand, Hanbin tightened his grip on the older’s cock, palming it through the light shorts fabric. He could feel Jiwon’s shivers above him, his mouth stopping the kiss to let out a series of shaky moans.

“H-Hanbiiin, Aahhh--” he let his head fall back, as Hanbin continued to stroke his length, “Hanbiin st-stop, it’s too much”

Obeying the older’s request, he let go of his cock, and pushed him back to the bed, laying on top of him, inches from his face, he stared at his eyes.

“hyung you’re driving me crazy” Hanbin whispered in an almost hurt sound, “want you” he grabbed Jiwon’s face and kissed him as if it was all he needed.. “want this”, he placed his hand on Jiwon’s dick, earning another lewd moan from him.

“Fuck Bin, I want you too, w-want you so much” Jiwon pulled him in a hungry kiss, his tongue licking on Hanbin’s bottom lip, pushing in, asking for entrance, he grabbed the younger’s hand to slow down the hasty moves on his dick, guiding it to meet a rhythm that seemed to push all his buttons at once.

Hanbin already had enough of holding back, started grinding his own boner to Jiwon’s thigh, letting out throaty moans between their kisses.

Feeling his head go dizzy, the older rapper suddenly decided on flipping their positions. Staring at hanbin's flushed face and swollen lips, Jiwon swears he could already come from how hot the younger looked under him.

He started kissing the pale skin on Hanbin’s jaw, planting sloppy, wet kisses on his neck and collarbone “mine, umm, mine” he breathed against his skin turning the younger into a vibrating mess.

“Ji—I’m almost .. uh please, ji”

Bobby returned his attention to Hanbin’s lips, catching them in hot steamy kisses, hushing him from making any additional sound “got you babe, got you” he positioned his hips right above Hanbin’s, and started grinding up and down the younger’s cock.

 _“FUU-Aahhhh”_ they were both loudly moaning at the pleasuring friction, Hanbin wrapped his legs around Jiwon’s hips, pulling him closer, speeding up their rhythm. If the young leader decided to stop any time, Jiwon could swear he was a goner;

“Fuck Bin—I love you--” Jiwon could tell he was not going to last for more than a few minutes, his head was already dizzy from how good he was feeling “Hanbin I—need to come, can I touch you?”

He didn’t wait for Hanbin to finally breathe his “please” before he was already yanking down both of their boxers in one rough move. He went back to kiss and bite the hot skin of his neck, making sure not to leave any bruises. He stopped for a minute to grab the abandoned lavender oil bottle on the nightstand; squeezing just enough liquid to fill his palm, rubbing his hands together.

He looked back at Hanbin’s eyes, and down at his hard leaking cock; _why is everything about you so fucking perfect? FUCK ..._ Jiwon didn’t hesitate for long before he took Hanbin’s length in his hand, giving it fast strokes, the sound of the slick slides caused by the slippery oil was too erotic, added up to their already insane arousal, making Hanbin’s head to fall back on the bed.

The older rapper leaned in to kiss his neck, using his other hand, he gave his own erection a few slippery strokes, before finally joining the younger’s cock in his hand.

Hanbin couldn’t find words to describe the incredibly pleasuring sensation of both their dicks sliding up and down against each other. He was breathlessly moaning the older’s name. Feeling his insides build up with his upcoming orgasm, Hanbin bit on Jiwon’s earlobe as a tentative to warn him, he added his hand to the older’s, putting on more pressure and speeding up the strokes.

Soon enough the room was filled with both of their gasps and pants, as Bobby finally broke in a muffled cry, digging his teeth in the crook of Hanbin’s neck, his cum spurted out in their joined hands, causing the younger to finally lose it and follow right after.

Coming down from the high of their shaking orgasm, Jiwon remained collapsed on Hanbin’s neck, lips touching and kissing his skin, mumbling limitless soft _Iloveyous._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I updated the 8th chapter, yay
> 
> please let me know your thoughts, i'm new to all of this XD


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I wrote this 😂😂

It’s still early in the morning when Hanbin woke up with a leg cramp, and a numb shoulder; Jiwon has collapsed on him last night, exhausted after their nocturne  _ exercising _ , drifting immediately to sleep, Hanbin seemed to have followed suite, which left the two of them snuggled against each other for the rest of night.

The younger boy wasn’t actually minding the pain in his leg or arms, as his mind was still unfamiliar to waking up next to the older's breath against his nape, the warmth of his firm chest pressed to his back. Hanbin seriously considered pinching his cheeks to find out if this was just some prolonged wet dream trick his brain was pulling on him.

Feeling Jiwon moving in his sleep, snuggling even more to him, he knew it was all real. He took a deep breath as he recalled the previous night's events one by one. It all felt surreal, _Jiwon confessing to him, Jiwon kissing him, Jiwon making out with him, Jiwon having sex with him_ ; his face flushes hotly, warmth coiling in the pit of his belly as he remembered how they both felt and touched each other. Hanbin bit the inside of his cheek in hope of suppressing both a stupid smile and his now growing hard erection. 

Taking a moment to collect his thoughts, he just remembered how much work he still has to do before their flight back to Korea. He tried pulling out his arm and gently pushing bobby’s head in order to get up.

“Stay with me” Jiwon’s voice was still horse and sleepy, "stay longer, Bin" he mumbled as he started carding his fingers through Hanbin’s hair, caressing the soft strands of the younger who instinctively let his head rest on his shoulder, eyes closed. Jiwon continued running his hands through his hair, and down to his nape, playfully feeling Hanbin’s soft skin. 

"I can't hyung, I have a solo schedule, the magazine photoshoot, remember?" 

Jiwon groaned and retraced his arm moving it to rest it on his face, his hand tousling with his already sleep messed up hair. 

"Take more rest hyung" Hanbin held jiwon's hand for a second before standing up to leave to the bathroom.

While washing up hanbin noticed the faint bruises caused by jiwon's tight grip on his hips last night, he immediately examined his neck and shoulders for any other traces, he felt thankful for the older's self-control; flashes of the indulged pleasure the older made him feel with his sloppy kisses and soft hickeys kept invading his mind, making him shiver. 

wrapping the bath robe on the sides of his hips, hanbin checked himself up in the mirror; his face was glowing, he wondered if this is what they called the post-sex afterglow, he laughed at his silliness;  _ We didn't even have sex… yet _ .  He existed the bathroom and was surprised to see jiwon was up, already laying against the bed frame, scrolling on his phone. Hanbin cleared his throat. 

Jiwon glanced at him, unconsciously checking him out from head to toe; his face instantly heating up, he also had his own recollection session of the past night events. Hanbin took slow shy steps to his bed, sitting on its far edge. 

"um, so what are you gonna do today Kimbab, since you're already up this early?"

Jiwon put his phone down, and motioned hanbin to get closer to him, patting the small space beside him and the younger didn't hesitate to drop his weight next to him, making the bed squeak. 

"I don't know, I didn't plan on doing anything, but maybe I could take a walk with Jinhwan and Song"

Hanbin's fresh scent from the shower was filling Jiwon's nostrils, switching on something deep inside him, he leaned closer to hanbin, sniffing his neck.

"and you? will you take long to join us?" His voice was small, eyes looking up at hanbin. 

Their sitting position was awkward, but it made hanbin feel really warm. Not being able to contain himself, his hands were already caressing Jiwon's arms, fingers drawing random shapes on his skin

"I don't know, it depends, they may wrap it up fast if i do well" hanbin's voice was also soft, but with a sad tone, it was as if he hated leaving jiwon alone, he really wanted to stay with him like this the whole day;  _ Fuck solo schedules _ .

"hnnn, then you have to do well" Jiwon took a deep inhale burying his nose in the crook of hanbin's neck, he planted a series of small kisses across his collarbone. Hanbin's scent was driving him crazy, as he kept inhaling the boy's soft skin.

"You know, stupid thing, but I have always loved your shampoo scent Bin"

Hanbin was far gone with his senses, as he let himself enjoy jiwon's playful kisses, he was brought back by jiwon's sudden cute confession, he chuckled

"It's the one I have been using for years hyung"

"I know, honey and milk, it’s sweet" He went back to kissing hanbin's neck, his hands were slowly discarding the younger’s bath robe exposing the inked letters of his nihilism tattoo.

"I like how your skin smells so sweet, I've always been curious how it tastes though", jiwon traced his tongue on the sharp outlines of hanbin's collarbone; “hmmm” he let out soft sighs, slowly kissing, and sucking on the sensitive skin.

Hanbin’s breath was sharpening with each touch, he knew they didn’t have enough time to start anything, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask Jiwon to stop, closing his eyes in pleasure;

"Ji---no, I- can't, ha--ve a photoshoot--no" his voice was shaky, and not really convincing.

"I'm not gonna leave a mark" Jiwon looked up at him, a little hot and bothered “I’m going to miss you Bin” He went back to kissing hanbin’s neck, tracing his collarbone, and licking his way down to the younger’s already stiffened nipples, he softly kissed each one of them before he started sucking and nibbling on the left one, and soon mirroring his act on the other one

“Hy-ung I’m going to be late c-mon, ahhh-” Hanbin started to feel the heat spreading through his groin, his dick was already hardening. He tried to push Bobby’s head away, but his tentative of pulling at his hair only seemed to make him suck harder on his skin, sending hanbin a wave of shocking pleasure; He was breathing heavily when he pulled at Jiwon’s nape and made his head face him

“what are you going to do about this now--JI” his other hand was palming his dick through his boxers.

Jiwon glanced down following hanbin’s hand, he then completely undid the boy's bathrobe, exposing the firm twitching muscles of his stomach and the growing tent in his boxers.  Locking eyes with Jiwon, Hanbin could feel his own blood heating up, as he looked at the older’s eyes; fixing his gaze, he saw how much Jiwon wanted him then; the always-smiling eyes were now staring right back at him, all sparkling and glassy with lust.

“Wanna suck you off Bin” Jiwon talked as if he was suggesting the most casual thing to the younger, his words coming out small but hard, his expression was something Hanbin had never seen on him before.  Jiwon witnessed the younger’s slow hesitant nod, and took it as his approval, he immediately positioned himself between his legs, making him lean back on the bed.

Hanbin was starting to feel dizzy, his brain was fuzzy with the warmth that spread through his body, his breath was caught in his throat, and his heart was racing as he looked down at jiwon.  The older rapper didn’t waste time, his hand grabbed Hanbin’s dick palming it through the thin layer of his boxers, it was all hard and leaking, a wet spot of pre-cum already forming, he was insanely aroused by the shivers that his touch made run through the young rapper, and the deep moans the latter let out as his hand squeezed tightly around his erection.

“Jiwon-- are you sure about this? I'm going to be late.. ” 

Jiwon didn’t feel the need to answer; he grabbed the long disposed oil bottle from last night, and squeezed just enough to fill his hand, his eyes all focused on hanbin. He leaned in and kissed him on the lips, slowly but deeply. His tongue licking and pushing hanbin’s lips apart, asking for more. The latter followed suite and opened his lips, immediately sucking and tasting jiwon’s, leading the hot make out. 

When Hanbin broke down the kiss, both of them were heavily breathing, their arousal was reaching its peak, Jiwon started kissing his way down the younger’s chest while his hand was working his dick inside his boxers.

“Hmmm fuck, Jii, feels good”

Hanbin couldn’t keep his hand to himself, he reached for Jiwon’s own neglected bulge, giving it the much needed attention. 

“I said I wanna suck you off, if you also touch me, we may end it with just this lousy handjob”, Jiwon was smiling, his hand reached to stop hanbin’s, he pushed him further in bed,”wanna make you feel good babe” Hanbin’s cheeks flushed a bright red upon hearing the pet name, he thought he could get addicted to the way jiwon pronounced it. 

Without further teasing, jiwon yanked down Hanbin’s boxers, his breath hitching, as he witnessed his cock popping up against his stomach. Hanbin was rock hard right now. his dick was red and twitching, it made Jiwon’s mouth water. 

T o tell the truth, Jiwon had no idea what he was supposed to do after that, his heart was hammering alongside; he had watched numerous porn videos of dudes giving head, he knows the basics, but he can’t help but feel nervous, now that it was  _ hanbin _ ’s dick in front of him.

Hanbin on the other hand was already too far gone just from the way he kept staring at the older’s flushed face, how he unconsciously was biting down on his bottom lip, eyes hazed with lust. Jiwon 's hand palmed the exposed hot flushed erection, feeling the heat that was radiating from it. he curled his fingers around it, giving the shaft a tight squeeze, he heard Hanbin break into a series of cursing moans. He looked up at him, eyes fixed on his reaction, his own cock eagerly throbbed at the sight.

With his mouth half open, and eyes locked on Hanbin's, Jiwon took the head of the latter's rock hard dick between his lips, giving it a long slow lick, his tongue moving against the length of it, tasting him eagerly, bobbing it in and out of his mouth. He kept his ministration for a few seconds before he actually started sucking at the red throbbing flesh, feeling it twist against his tongue.

“--F--uck Jiii-- you have no idea how good you feel, ahhh” Hanbin grabbed at the back of jiwon’s head, pulling at his hair “s-l-ow down a litttle” 

Jiwon immediately complied and pulled away, he looked at the flushed erection, his mouth already red and swollen. Hanbin felt his insides build up, Jiwon barely sucked him but he felt like he could already come from his strong arousal.  Jiwon resumed what he started, his hand groped Hanbin’s leaking cock, he licked messily around the salty pre cum, moving his fingers up and down the part he couldnt fit in his mouth, flicking his thumb over the slit before taking it all the way in.

It was messy, Jiwon’s teeth occasionally gritted at the sensitive skin, making hanbin jerk upward, unconsciously deepthroating Jiwon. The whole experience was making him shiver, letting out short whimpers

“Jiwon-- please, I need to-” Jiwon thought it was too early for hanbin to come, he retracted his free hand to his boxers, taking out his own rock hard cock, stroking it in time with hanbin’s. 

without a prior warning, Jiwon took hanbin far in his throat, continuously sucking and hollowing his cheeks, he felt the younger’s body shudder under him, hips desperately jerking as he tried to buck up to his mouth. He tried to stay still, letting Hanbin fuck his mouth in fast steady thrusts, Jiwon closed his eyes, humming around his cock, satisfied moans kept slipping his mouth, as he felt Hanbin's thrusts getting stronger, and it was not long after, that he felt Hanbin’s thighs tightening, the warmth bitterness of his cum was filling his mouth dripping down the side of his chin.

When Jiwon felt the grip around his head loosening he finally dared to look up at Hanbin, seeing his hazy glassy eyes pushed the last buttons he had, he spilled in his own hand following hanbin’s shaking orgasm, collapsing on his chest .  The younger boy felt his knees go weak, he doubted if he still had energy to attend whatever schedule that awaited him, he grabbed his phone from the night stand, staring at the time before a knock on the door jolted him out of his haze.

“Fuck, I’m not even dressed yet” he cursed.  Jiwon chuckled, his face grinning widely as he flopped on his back staring amusingly at the younger’s horrified expression, the knocks kept going before he weakly stood up to get the door. 

Opening the door, hanbin talked in whispers to the manager, implying that jiwon was still asleep, he really didn’t want him to step inside the room when it reeked of their sex smell.  Hanbin then hurriedly returned to the bathroom, his face was pulling a funny expression, shy, content, and happy altogether. He secretly cursed himself when he realized how late he was, moving around the room to get dressed, he had to ignore Jiwon’s provoking chuckles. 

“Just wait till it’s my turn hyung, you will not be finding it this funny to be late for your work” hanbin broke in a round of laughter, his heart was feeling pleasantly warm. 

  
  


///////

  
  


The hours spent without Hanbin by his side felt like an eternity to Jiwon, no matter what the older rapper tried to do to distract himself from thinking about him, he just couldn't. His brain was filled with excitement, he actually struggled to put on a poker face in front of Jinhwan and Yunhyeong who continued to throw him a suspicious . The three boys roamed around the streets in Osaka, doing some shopping and stopping for street snacks and Jiwon couldn't stop mentioning Hanbin's name whenever they'd cross an ice cream stall, his eyes were so sad thinking of how lonely the younger must be on his solo activity. 

He tried texting him, occasionally snapping pictures of the buildings, the busy streets, and the delicious food, sending it to their chat. Hanbin checked the messages but never did have enough time to reply.. 

On the set of his photo shoot, Hanbin was trying his best to help wrap things up as fast as possible. Going along with their every suggested pose, pulling the right expressions; the photographers kept complimenting him on his looks and cheerful smiles he had on, he secretly thought about the reason behind it, and it ended up with him smiling even more. 

Despite having a hard time feigning ignorance whenever the make up artist stared for too long at the faint marks decorating his exposed neck, for which Hanbin made a mental note to scold Jiwon. He managed to film the whole teaser in less than what was planned, and judging by how everyone were very satisfied with the result of his photos, they called it a day. 

  
///////  
  


On his way back to the hotel hanbin checked the chat with Jiwon, smiling at the way the older had tried his best to send the aesthetically pleasing pictures along with blurry and half covered selfies, capturing his day out with the boys. 

Hanbin explored his own gallery to find the few shots the manager had taken of his fashion look. 

He thought about sending some photos to Jiwon as well, he examined them for a few moments; they had tried a different concept on him today, his hair was lightly and naturally styled, his all-in black clothes and the very pale makeup were giving off a fierce manly vibe. He thought he looked okay; He selected a few pictures and sent them. 

Jiwon was already back to the hotel room, he was pleasantly spreading the chips and all kind of flavored Pringles on the bed; He was absentmindedly zapping through the hotel TV channels when he received the several notifications from his phone. Checking his chat, h e stuffed his mouth with more chips, zooming in and out on every picture hanbin sent him, he was smiling back at his phone, looking like a complete idiot.

Almost a full ten minutes later; Hanbin’s phone vibrated with a new coming message, he opened the chat to find a picture of a half naked Jiwon, taken from a terrible angle; his mouth closed around a set of crunchy chips, with an annoying smirk on his face. Hanbin noticed the few scraps of chips messily falling all over his chest; he bit a smile back, and held his phone to type back a reply.

“Are you aiming to seduce me or something? You’re gross Ji, try harder” he playfully teased him, his thumbs still caressing Jiwon’s skin through the screen.

Jiwon blushed at the reply, sending Hanbin a  _ fuck you  _ emoji, he seriously tried his best to look sexy in that picture *sigh*

An hour dive later, Hanbin was soon back to the hotel joining Bobby in the room, opening the door he gave Jiwon the most endearing smile, the older’s eyes were roaming his face, he watched him take slow steps toward him.  The younger walked his way to the bed, flopping next to Jiwon, and first thing he does is stuff his face with a handful of Pringles, not really paying attention to what flavour it was. 

Bobby broke in a hysterical laughter seeing Hanbin’s eyes widen at the shock, as he started coughing and crying asking for water. 

“HAHAH That was wasabi you idiot” Hanbin took a second look at the green packaging, he had mistaken the wasabi and soy sauce’s green pringles for his favourite sour cream and onion ones, and now his mouth was on fire.

Jiwon handed him the water bottle, while wiping his streaming tears, not being able to stop laughing at his face, he leaned in to kiss his cheeks “I’m sorry I should have warned you”

“Yeah fuck you Kim Jiwon” Hanbin 

Jiwon exploded in a second round of laughter, an arm hanged around Hanbin’s neck, he pulled him down on top of him, his breath was slowing down as he stared right at the younger’s eyes, leaning his face forward, he pressed his lips hard against his, “You know I want that babe”

Hanbin blushed for the second time at his use of the pet name. He kissed Jiwon back almost immediately, opening his lips to lick and explore the older’s mouth, he could taste the remnant mix of flavoured chips and alcohol on his tongue 

“Did you drink during the day?”

“Yea, I had a few with nani and song, i’m not drunk tho”

Hanbin eyed him suspiciously, eyes focusing on his pupils, he tried to look for a sign of him being drunk. Jiwon leaned in to resume their make out, taking full charge of the kiss, as he wanted to prove his soberness. His hand grabbing the back of hanbin’s neck, making the latter gasp as he opened his mouth receiving his tongue willingly. 

The make out took a few more minutes before it turned to a full dry humping session, hanbin was laying beside Jiwon on the bed, their legs were intertwined, their kiss slowly stopping as they grinded their half hard erections against each other, hips moving hastily for the very needed friction. Jiwon’s hands started roaming across hanbin’s back, he couldn’t hold his moans back as hanbin’s tongue was practically fucking his mouth, exploring each corner. 

Jiwon continued to run his hand lower and lower all the way from Hanbin’s back to his thighs, he managed to cup hanbin’s plump ass cheeks, with both hands, as he squeezed their bodies together. 

It wasn’t long, until hanbin let out a loud gasp, having jiwon’s fingers slip inside his pants, he could feel the tight grip of his nails as he kneaded his butt, fingers roaming around his ass hole.  He breathlessly pulled back from their kiss 

“Dude what do you think you're doing?” 

Jiwon was taken back from hanbin’s sudden change of tone, he tried locking eyes with him, to read more into his expression 

“uh-I’m just touching you.. don’t you want to--do it ?” Jiwon was blushing so hard, he had anticipated this moment for years, the thought of having sex with hanbin practically haunted him the whole day when he was out, he suddenly felt conscious of his actions  _ maybe I’m taking things too fast? _

“I don’t --I mean -why are your fingers up my ass?-- I thought maybe you would let me--”  Hanbin couldn’t continue his sentence as he watched Jiwon’s face go white from shock, it was as if he was just told the most horrific thing.

“Let you what? oh... oh no Bin I can't I--” Jiwon almost cried out, making hanbin feel very uncomfortable to even suggest it. 

“You don’t want to?" Hanbin asked hesitantly

'I'm afraid I don't like it that way Bin, I thought you would let me--you know.. do it?"  Hanbin scoffed at his answer, he was completely baffled with how fast Jiwon just assumed things.

"What? did you actually think I would just bent over for you or what?” 

The younger has never actually went as far as thinking Jiwon would force him to bottom for him. The whole sex thing had rarely crossed his mind before as he never even reached the point of fancying the idea of being in a relationship with the older, any further thoughts about them being sexually involved with each other were immediately shut by his insecurities. On his occasional wet dreams, he would picture them both pleasing each other in every possible way, as he had always believed that the two of them would be comfortable around each other and just try the things that would go best for the two of them. 

“Bin, I just thought you would like it, ok? I just want you so bad right now Bin, can we just not do this arguing thing now?”

Hanbin sighed as he was clearly disappointed with the reality in front of him; Jiwon was being a jerk to him and he had to let him know

“Dude you just assumed I'd be pleased to let you inside me cuz you like being on top? I can't believe you Ji, you're one selfish motherfucker”. Hanbin blurted while still half laughing in shock

“I’m not selfish, I’m telling you I thought you’d like it---me being --inside --you”

Jiwon spoke slowly and Hanbin’s breath was caught in his lungs, he was indeed turned on, but he was still determined not to back down

“No Ji- I don’t have to be the only one liking it, it’s not because I like you touching me that it would make me a freaking bottom the whole time? In fact I think I really do want to fuck your brains out right fucking now”

Jiwon gulped at the sudden change of things, he surprisingly felt so aroused his face was burning, he frowned and was about to comment when Hanbin flopped his weight on top of him, his hips jerked forward, making Jiwon shiver feeling how hard and demanding he was. Unfortunately,  it didn’t matter how much convincing hanbin was, jiwon was still literally refusing the idea, his rejection of bottoming for hanbin almost killed the mood. He was just unable to put himself in that position,  _ too painful  _ he hissed in his mind _.  _

In contrast to what Hanbin thinks, Jiwon really didn’t really see himself as the dominant one in their relationship at all; In fact he was already used to Hanbin being his leader for all these years, always following and trusting in his lead, he never questioned his abilities for even once. As silly as it seemed, it was just hard for him to accept this when it came to sex; it was rather his own fears of the unknown experience that held him back, as it never once crossed his mind that he would let anything near his ass, let alone having someone inside him. If anything, Jiwon always assumed he would be the one doing the fucking. 

To tell the truth Hanbin was pissed, he wanted to stop everything then and there, he felt offended that jiwon just bluntly refused to idea of being fucked by him, he thought it was too selfish of the older’s to just force him to be on the receiving end.  He suddenly flipped to his side of the bed,hearing Jiwon hiss at the lack of contact, his eyes unconsciously landing on the older’s bulge, which looked painfully restrained in his pants. He shortly glanced down at his own as well and sighed; he really hated the thought of having to deal with his blue balls later. 

“Fine asshole! I’ll be doing it, but only this once!” he said halfheartedly, watching Jiwon excitingly leap from his position to give him a hug. 

“I love you Bin, I’ll definitely make sure you will like it”

“Oh please just shut up” 

Jiwon moved slowly from hugging his shoulder to planting kisses on his neck, and shoulder, all the way to his jaw. Hanbin’s soft sighs made blood rush to his groin, he was so turned on. Feeling his body heat up, he pulled away, and hurriedly unbuttoned Hanbin’s shirt before standing up to completely strip both of them off their pants, leaving them in their boxers. 

Feeling hanbin’s naked body stiffen at his touch, Jiwon suddenly became aware of how much nervous the younger would be; they have never done this before, like how both of them were clueless when it comes to sex. Jiwon was the only one with the bit of an experience, having had his ex girlfriend give him a blowjob before. He couldn’t even count it as experience since it never included any intercourse.  He found himself getting just as nervous when he locked eyes with hanbin and shyly breathed “I’ll be gentle, I promise, Bin” Jiwon stopped on his track, anticipating hanbin’s reaction.

Hanbin’s brain was fuzzy from how turned on he was, he could barely make sense to what Jiwon was saying; he did know where their next move was leading them, and he fully understood there was no going back at that point. He smiled weakly at jiwon, feigning a nervous laugh 

“Whatever Jiwon.. Just get over with it, ok?” he tugged down jiwon’s boxers in a husty move, the latter’s rock hard erection met with his hand, as he gave it some long steady strokes, staring at the whole length supposedly going inside him, he gulped nervously. Leaning down to kiss and bite the older’s nipples in a tentative to distract himself, feeling pleased as he watched him quiver under his touch. Jiwon composedly closed his eyes and let hanbin explore every part of his body, relishing in the indulged pleasure. 

“Do you even own a condom?” Hanbin asked in between breaths, mouth busy licking down Jiwon’s abs. 

“Y--e-s, I bought some today--it’s in the drawer” he spoke in a small voice

“Woah, I see you really went and prepared everything on your own, you did want to fuck me” Hanbin’s teasing voice provoked the cocky side in Jiwon, he immediately flipped their position, trapping him between his long muscular arms. 

“Yeah, I’ve been daydreaming all day of being inside you babe, you have no idea” Jiwon was the one smirking now as Hanbin’s smile faded in disbelief. He had no intention of stopping whatever Jiwon wanted to do to him now anyway, he was completely and utterly a goner. 

Jiwon stripped Hanbin from the last layer that was covering him, his hand reached for the drawer pulling out an expensive bottle of lube and a pile of condoms. 

Hanbin chuckled “Just how many did you buy?” but Jiwon was quick to shut him up with a long kiss, his free hand fumbled with the lube bottle, squeezing its content and meticulously covering his fingers and palm. He moved his hand to run his slicked fingers up and down Hanbin’s dick, staring at the way he shuddered at the touch, lips mouthing silenced curses. He just discovered how much he loved to see Hanbin being this wrecked. 

Thinking how insanely aroused he was, Jiwon doubted he would actually make it to the main thing before he comes undone. Without any further delay, he let his lube coated finger hover over Hanbin’s hole, reaching down to kiss the life out of him, he thought of completely distracting him while he pushed his first finger in. 

The moan that hanbin let inside his mouth was something Jiwon would never wanted to forget.

The slick helped his finger to easily slip in, until he was a knuckle deep inside him, he kept it inside still. His head was blurred by how hot Hanbin looked under him, he tried to keep his focused on his every tiny reaction, looking for any sign of discomfort.

“You okay?” He breathed against his neck, teeth sinking in the soft flesh.

“Ahh-yess-just do someth-ing--already” 

Jiwon nodded and moved his other hand to the lube bottle pouring more into his hand, his mouth back to claim the younger’s lips, while his hand stroked the length of his cock, feeling how hanbin’s breath hitched, he moved his finger even deeper, adding a second one.

“Fu--ck Ji--ahh” Jiwon’s dick was twitching at the sounds that escaped hanbin’s mouth, he started moving his fingers in and out of him, and soon enough he added a third one stretching him in a scissoring move. Hanbin’s eyes rolled back, his hand aimlessly trying to reach for his leaking dick. 

“Ji--touch mee” Jiwon soon replaced his hand, stroking the hard erection in his hand, he leaned down, and took the tip in his mouth, closely watching his fingers as they disappeared inside the younger’s. He was utterly losing his mind. 

“Hanbin-- babe I can’t wait anymore” he kissed the inside of his thighs, as he sped up his fingers fucking into hanbin, turning him into a moaning mess. He bent down and curved his fingers in search of that particular spot that made Hanbin cry out loud, jerking his hips forward. Jiwon watched him break under his touch and continued to caress and press the sensitive bundle of nerves burying his fingers deep inside him. 

“Bobbbyyyyyy I caaan-n’t too muchh” Hanbin’s voice was lost as the older didn’t stop abusing his sweet spot, getting him near the edge. 

Jiwon soon pulled his fingers slowly, wiping them on the bed sheet, he grabbed the condom, ripping it with his teeth, and rolled it on. He positioned himself between hanbin’s legs, his hand coating and stroking his erection with lube.  He leaned over to Hanbin so his hard erection was pressed against his thighs, as he guided himself to the younger’s entrance. 

He watched as hanbin’s shaking hand patted at his hammering heart, he obviously was too nervous and jiwon could not help but feel bad about it. 

“Bin, I love you so much, I love you Bin”, he whispered the words to his ears, lips nibbling at his earlobe, he left a series of sloppy kisses down his neck, before reaching to suck on his long neglected nipples. He looked up from his position to see Hanbin shutting his eyes in pleasure, taking the chance to bottom out deep inside him with a slow long thrust. 

Hanbin’s voice cracked at the force of the stinging pain, eyes filled of tears, he begged jiwon not to move any more. Jiwon complied, kept himself still, as he continued kissing and sucking on the his hard nipples. It took the younger a few breaths in and out to adjust to the feeling of being filled. He surely saw this coming before, he knew how big Jiwon was, and imagined it to be painful, just not this fucking much. 

When his ass was still struggling to subside the pain of the stinging stretch, Hanbin’s dick had a completely different saying, his hips moving on their own, he bit the inside of his cheek, thrusting upward, wordlessly ordering Jiwon to start moving forcing out a deep groan from the older as the tightness surrounding his cock was already too much. 

Jiwon took hanbin’s sign, and started moving, slowly, then thoroughly, he moved in and out of him, thrusting deep enough to reach hanbin’s prostate, it all felt so good, too good, Jiwon was sure he was not lasting more than a few minutes. 

“FF--uck Binnn you feeling so heavenly gooodd ahhhh” his strokes were speeding up, turning into an uncontrollable pounding. his grip on hanbin’s hips was getting tighter, he looked up at his face, t he younger’s teeth were biting down on his lips, eyes rolling back in pure bliss,  and it was the best sight he has ever seen. 

He instantly felt his dick twitch inside him, and thrusted even deeper reaching his weak spot. And that was it. Hanbin’s cock jerked, indicating how close he was 

“Ji--I’m close” he barely brought himself to talk, as he grabbed jiwon’s neck, pulling him closer, the older had completely pulled all the way out of him, before  _ diving _ right back  _ in _ .

A few more thrusts was all he needed before Jiwon felt the younger’s hole clenching around his dick, making it impossibly harder, he watched Hanbin’s feet curling, and his thighs muscles tightening, as he spilled, shooting his cum all over their joined abs. With a last thrust Jiwon pounded into him, before reaching his own  _ climax _ , his dick pulsing shooting inside the condom.

It took them a full five minutes to come down from the high of their orgasm, slowly regaining their awareness of the world surrounding them, hanbin was the first to move under the older, and immediately regretting it as his hole was still twitching with oversensitivity. Jiwon slowly pulled out of him, removing the condom, collapsing onto his hold leaning in closer, and kissing his cheek. 

“Well this was something” Hanbin laughed off the awkwardness, his voice so relaxed and happy; he held jiwon even tighter and they both drifted to sleep.

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really still can't belive I wrote this😂😂 
> 
> I just hope some of you will enjoy it 😂😂
> 
> To be continued in the next and last chapter.


End file.
